Bloody Kisses
by SaneYaoiAddict
Summary: Matt finally leaves Mello, his abusive boyfriend. He moves in with an old friend, and they become closer than ever... But one day, Mello shows up, vengeful. M for rape, abuse, other violence, and general adult content. MelloxMattxNear.
1. Broken

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

**Warnings: abuse, rape, alcohol use, swears… And just general adult content.**

_**Basically, just inspired by the song "Easier to Run" by Linkin Park. Heh. So, enjoy. (Or, well… Not the subject matter. You're a freak if you **_enjoy_** this.)**_

_**Basically, I've been hyped up on Monster (which, to my mom, is an acceptable drink to bring in my lunches…) and grounded. That led to me finally getting to write this. Which I've BEASTED, by the way. Thirty-four pages in less than a week. Typing it up was the hard part, though… So, here it is:**_

Bloody Kisses

Broken

Mello was yelling. Again.

He'd promised Matt he wouldn't. He promised he'd give up drinking. He promised.

_But when has that ever meant anything to him,_ Matt thought bitterly to himself. He willed himself to just sit back and let it happen. Maybe it would stop him from provoking Mello further this time. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much this time.

"— and you're just worthless! You don't mean anything to me, not a damn thing," Mello continued. His words had only a slight, barely-noticeable drunken slur to them, only obvious to Matt because of how long he'd known the man. He knew the alcohol wouldn't really change him into anyone different. He was exactly the same. It only freed the caged beast inside of him. And what did he do, once it was unleashed? He took all his anger out on Matt.

And he just stayed with him, through it all. He was so loyal, it was practically animal abuse.

"Come here. Didn't you hear me?" The blonde growled, making a motion with his fingers that repeated his earlier command, that Matt must have somehow missed. With his other hand, he untied the laces on his pants, glaring at Matt expectantly.

Oh, he knew damn well what was in store for him tonight. Mello would rape him raw, beat him until he bruised— Hell, maybe until he scarred. And then he would do it again, wouldn't stop hitting him until the alcohol made him pass out. He knew damn well Mello wouldn't ever be satisfied.

Matt stepped forward, watching his lover— no, no… That was the wrong word, but none came to mind to better describe their relationship— remove his pants. Secretly, he wished they would stay on, at least partly, They restricted his range of movement, making his kicks, or thrusts, or anything else, less painful— though still excruciating. His muscles were still powerful, which Matt knew well. The skin on his entire body was sensitive after months of continued torture— beatings, burnings, cuttings, stabbings… Whatever Hell anybody could think of, he'd been through it.

And he knew tonight would be the last time.

Matt prepared himself mentally to face this. He would not scream, would not cry out from the pain this time. He always had before, to do his best to satiate the man, to get him to stop. But it only encouraged more, so this time, he would not give Mello that satisfaction.

Mello grabbed him by the neck before he knew it and forced his pants down. He knew better than to think he could fight Mello off now. Normally, he could at least hold his own in a fight with him, but now, his system was toxic with a mix of testosterone and adrenaline— not to mention alcohol.

Matt writhed at the contact as Mello stroked, teasing his cock erect, against his will. Everything was against his will. But he gave Mello what he wanted, as always, and didn't even whine. He just put up with it.

He knew he wouldn't even be pleased by this, in any way. Neither of them would, but he let it happen because Mello wanted it. And Mello got what he wanted. At all costs. No matter what.

"Now be a good little boy and wait on the bed." The words were spoken in a cold, yet slightly playful tone.

Matt knew exactly what that tone meant, knew exactly what was planned for him. Mello would want to play with one of his favorite toys: fire.

He didn't use it on himself anymore, not after he scarred his own face— Matt remembered well; he'd received an exceptionally painful beating for that. He shuddered at the memory.

Mello appeared in the doorway, now completely naked. In his right hand, he flicked open his favorite silver lighter, teasing Matt with the flame as fading burn scars ached. He used to tease Matt, dragging the open flame down near his own body, the heat only making his body want _more_. He threw his head back from the sensation, still aware of Matt, and looked at him with desire and pleasure in his eyes, promising that it would be fun. Satisfying. The fire used to be fun. Now, it was just another torture tool for him to use on Matt.

Mello never let himself scar or disfigure Matt. Permanently, anyways. It wasn't because he cared, simply because he didn't want any evidence. But, though many of the bruises and burns faded away in time, he swore he could still feel them, reminded of every hit, every second of torture Mello put him through.

Mello used his left hand to lean against the doorway, quickly flying to his crotch to stroke himself until he was hard, as he left the doorway and walked towards Matt. He still lay obediently on the bed, legs spread, wanting to _get it over with_ as soon as possible.

"Eager today, aren't we?" Mello straddled the redhead, stroking his chest softly, making Matt squirm. It was so _teasing_. He wouldn't get anything more.

He pulled Matt's legs up and wrapped them around his waist, ready to thrust himself in. But he waited a few minutes, wanting a few more seconds of spirit-crushing verbal torture for Matt. Not that he had much of a spirit to crush, any more…

_Cold, heartless bastard,_ Matt thought when he saw the feral look in his eyes and his wild grin. He was enjoying this, as always. But he pushed back the thought. He _loved_ Mello… When he was sober. And took the time to prepare him before thrusting in mindlessly. But now… He couldn't help but harbor feelings of resentment for the man on top of him.

"Hmm…" Mello hummed as he pushed into Matt, who writhed in pain, struggling to escape this.

"Like that, Matty?" he asked, with a sadistic smile detectable just from his tone. Mockingly, he stroked Matt's hair, as if he cared enough to reassure him about the pain he was so obviously in.

He just let out a grunt, but Mello knew the signs of his beaten-down, abused slave's breakdown well. His eyes watered, fighting back the tears. He chewed at his bottom lip until it bled, using that to temporarily distract him from any other pain. Once he noticed Mello staring at him, he turned his head away, not wanting the blonde to examine him that closely.

"Of course not." he finally said, doing his best to keep his voice calm, but a little, _tiny_ bit of his fear and displeasure came out as well. And, of course, the _pain_.

Mello gripped Matt's cheeks to turn him by force to look him in the eyes. "Good."

He decided he wanted _more_, more of the redhead's glorious pain, more suffering. He released Matt's face from his grip, grabbing the lighter he'd placed near them on the bed with his now-free hand. Flicking it open, he held it in front of Matt's face, a foot or so away, allowing him to see the flame. But not feel it. Yet. He would suffer, knowing these were his last few pain-free (for the most part) moments.

The head radiated onto Matt's skin as Mello held the lighter closer, and Matt's flesh seemed to burn from the closeness of it. It wouldn't scar; it would only hurt. For days. Maybe forever; some of the burns from months ago still pained Matt.

As Mello pulled out and thrust back in, hard, but not nearly as rough as he _could_ be, he pressed the flickering flame even closer to Matt's skin until it burned the soft flesh at his shoulder. Matt wanted to cry out in agony, pain from both sources. Instead, he groaned. That was the only sound he would allow Mello to hear. He wouldn't scream. This time, he wanted to win.

Frustrated at this, he thrust harder and faster into Matt's body, dragging the flame down to new, more sensitive, areas as he numbed to the burning. He purposely avoided his prostate— it wouldn't be much fun torturing him if he enjoyed it, after all.

"Scream for me!" His eyes narrowed in frustration, in his anger, utterly pissed off. He was glaring at Matt with those same blue eyes he'd stare at him with lovingly, caressing him, touching him softly…

But that was not a million years away, and Mello obviously didn't notice, or give a damn. Unless that emotional pain was intentional. Which was highly likely. Matt's pain was what he craved, sought after like a drug. Or, at least, that was what it seemed like.

"Why. Won't. You. _Scream_?" Each word was punctuated with a rough, harsh thrust, each harder than the last. The final was unbearable, and he was sure there was blood. A lot of it. He could feel it, and it hurt. So, so much. Normally, Mello focused more on the external torture— such as the flame, or a beating. His skin had hardened, to an extent, and he was numb from some of that pain now. That kind of pain didn't hurt so badly anymore.

But this… This roughness _inside_ was new to Matt. He didn't know what to do about it. Why did this have to happen the one time when he swore he wouldn't submit to it any longer? He had to keep fighting it. Resisting just once would lead to more punishment later. He could deal with more for tonight if it meant freedom later.

But if Mello became too fed up with his resistance, would he just kill him, finally ending it— but in a way opposite than Matt wanted?

"I— I won't!" He shook his head. He couldn't hold back his screams _and_ tears, and so they rolled down his cheeks. He was breaking. They both knew it.

"You will," Mello growled, giving a slightly less rough— though still hellishly violent— thrust as he came. He sighed in satisfaction, looking at Matt coldly. He allowed himself a moment to rest and breath heavily, teasing Matt's body with his warm breath.

"Don't you wish you came? That I made you?" He looked down at him harshly, fingernails digging into the flesh of his stomach. Matt let out a whimper at that sudden pain. "I could have made you feel good. Do you want that?"

Matt didn't allow himself to nod, but his eyes pleaded with Mello. Matt didn't even know why. It could have been for him to stop, or could have been because he really _did_ want it. Mello had mocked his own desire, and it pained him to know that Mello, who treated him like dirt, had gotten the satisfaction he was dying for.

"You would have gotten it if you'd screamed." Mello dragged his fingernails lower, cutting into his soft skin, his tender body, leaving a trail of blood. He then brought his fingernails back to Matt's stomach, scratching the same line, though quicker and much more forcefully, cutting deeper into his skin. Matt inhaled slightly at the pain, but refused to scream.

It wasn't enough! He needed to scream. He always had before, without fail. What was so different now?

Mello smirked, taking hold of his half-hard cock, stroking himself slightly viciously, still angry at Matt's insolence, as Matt watched jealously.

"You'll scream this time." It was an order, spoken harshly, with the anger just barely held back from his voice, filled with determination. He couldn't _stand_ when he didn't get what he wanted.

Matt had to be close to breaking now. He just had to. Mello panted, breathing hard from the exertion, the use of the force new to him, just barely holding back a growl. He backhanded Matt across the face, an uncreative expression of his anger. He couldn't think of a better way at the moment. He only wanted Matt to scream.

Who would break first?

Mello kept his glare on Matt as he let out a snarl. He was going to win. He'd already won. This should be over. He'd made Matt bleed already; the proof covered his most precious organ, which he pulled his hand away from.

"_Scream_." He thrust forcefully into Matt as he said the word, who just winced. Silently to Mello's dismay and utter fury. The blood must have dulled the sensation… Which gave Mello a better idea.

Pleasure. He'd use that as his newest torture instrument.

"I'm going to pound you into the mattress until you scream," Mello hissed in Matt's ear, touching Matt's stomach lightly, shoving himself in painfully at the same time.

He let out a grunt, and was probably doing his best to block out the pleasure, fearing punishment for enjoying it. He looked up at Mello, confusion showing in his still-pleading eyes.

"Do it. You're mine." He pulled out, thrusting in again, licking the length of Matt's cock slowly, hoping he wouldn't cum from it, ruining everything. "You're my slave," he whispered as he pulled away, thrusting again, harder this time. "My cumdumpster." He looked Matt in the eyes, not offering any more pleasure at the moment. He thrust in painfully, nearly making Matt scream.

Nearly.

"JUST FUCKING SCREAM? What's WRONG with you?" He raked his nails over the same spot as before on his stomach again, making Matt writhe, body twisting as he tried to get out of Mello's grip.

Mello was losing it. He knew it; they both did. But Matt was close to winning, so close. Too close to lose now.

Matt was whimpering, unable to keep silent any longer, but it wasn't good enough for Mello. And he wanted it to be over. He wanted to scream. So, so badly. Mello continued thrusting, no longer pleasing Matt with his touch. Mello was ferocious, deeper into Matt's body each time. Deeper than anything had ever been inside him before. Deeper than anything— especially Mello— had a right to be. It hurt. He was in excruciating pain, with no more mental distractions to hold him back. He was in Hell, and he knew how to free himself. He was breaking. He did the only thing he could do, to maybe make Mello at least _touch_ him again. To make him feel better.

He cried out in pain, pretending to disguise it as a groan, but he knew that Mello would know better. He expressed his physical _need_ for this to stop, for him to please him, for _everything_.

"Please…" Matt let the word slip from his lips, telling Mello to stop, to do something. To realize what he'd done to Matt, and stop everything. He wanted some miraculous change that would obviously not happen.

But pleasure wouldn't happen, he knew. He'd be mocked. Mello would act like he would please him, but only tease him and leave him more miserable. But maybe at least Mello would get some satisfaction out of it.

Mello realized exactly what the redhead wanted. He wanted to be touched, caressed, _loved_. And he decided to indulge him, just for a moment. He would have a few seconds of almost unbearable pleasure, and then have it taken away, while Mello watched him tear himself apart.

Mello adjusted the angle of his thrusts, making Matt throw his head back in the pleasure he gave, knowing it would be temporary. Nonetheless, Matt's pain was forgotten, lost in the bliss.

"M-more…" Matt's eyes begged for it, looking into Mello's to try to determine whether or not he would get it. He whined, trying to do his best to convince Mello to do it. "Please…" he added, almost a whisper.

Mello had stopped completely. He was silent, not whispering threats or orders to Matt. The only sound was their breathing— Mello's even as he panted to regain his breath, Matt's ragged and quick, laced with little whines and whimpers as he looked to Mello with such a _pleading_ look in his eyes that Mello couldn't deny him his request.

Mello nodded, the motion promising Matt's pleasure, and the meaning behind it made his breath hitch in his throat. His body was screaming for more— and Mello gave it to him.

Mello thrust in again, and Matt gasped, eyes widening, and he let out a deep moan. He shuddered, and he couldn't hold back the moans, couldn't hold back any of the sounds as Mello kept thrusting into him.

Mello leaned his head down to lick Matt's length again, and he saw the redhead throw his head back against the bed, peering down at him through one half-closed eye. Mello took him into his mouth and heard a sharp gasp and a low, unrestrained moan. His eyes shut, and he muttered whatever came into his mind at the time, not even thinking to hold back.

"Christ, Mels…" It had been weeks—or was it months— since Mello had even given a _damn_ about his pleasure— and that had been barely a touch. _Maybe he's different. Maybe he'll do this more often._

Mello took more into his mouth, as much as he could, and Matt moaned loudly. He wished this moment would last forever. Or at least until Mello let him cum— months of denial were starting to get to him.

He was sensitive to Mello's every touch, every lick, and soon, he knew it wouldn't last much longer. He wanted it to continue, though— it felt too good to stop.

"Mello…" his words were cut off by a rather loud moan, "I'm so— I'm gonna…"

Mello looked up at him, at his flushed face, mouth open as he moaned deeply, completely unrestrained now. He wondered what kind of monster would ruin it, would take away the one moment of joy he'd been given in months.

_I would,_ he thought with a sadistic grin.

"No, you won't." Mello pulled out of him, removing him from his mouth to speak, changing the angle of his thrusts again so that Matt wouldn't get any pleasure out of them. With a few exceptionally harsh thrusts to prove his point, Mello came inside him, moaning as he did so. The sound was to mock Matt, lying on the bed with tears in his eyes.

"But—" Matt started, begging for more. Just a second more. It would only take a second. He was so close that he couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear not reaching the same level Mello had, just being brought higher and higher and then, _nothing_. Left there. To the point where it physically _hurt_.

"No." Mello pulled out of him, his voice cold and _final_.

"P-please! I need it…"

And he did. The denial was bad, sure. But it was bearable. Now that he had a taste of it, some _hope_ that his desires would be fulfilled, it was horrible. Unbearable.

Finally, Matt broke.

He threw his head back and let out a deafening, earsplitting scream. "_Please_! Just… Anything! Touch me… Hell, hit me. Beat me, burn me— _but touch me!_" The words came out as a shriek, and he sobbed, not caring about a damn thing anymore, and especially not "winning."

He was begging. It was music to Mello's ears, and he smiled as he looked upon the burned, bloody, crying, obviously _broken_ boy below him on the bed.

He had won. That was obvious from Matt's whimpers, from his choked sobs and cries.

"Please… I give up… Do anything you want to me… Just touch me. One more time." He continued whining, begging for _something_ that Mello was no longer offering. He just smiled, finally satisfied with this outcome, with himself. He slapped Matt on the thigh, hard, as if he were proving his dominance. Which was pointless; Matt knew he had no chance if he were to fight against him.

As he pulled his hand away from Matt's skin, his fingers gently brushed Matt's cock, making him cum over himself pathetically, not even finding any pleasure in it any more. It was exactly what he'd wanted— but not how he'd wanted it.

He loved Mello, and now look where he was. On a bed, crying, covered in his own blood and cum.

"I'm taking a shower. You stay here. Don't move an inch, or you'll get a worse punishment later."

Matt nodded weakly, sobbing softly. It wasn't like he could even walk, with what had just been done to him.

He watched as Mello pulled out a pair of boxers to sleep in— practically all the clothes he had were leather, and it wasn't like he was going to sleep in _that_. He stepped into the bathroom, trusting Matt to remain on the bed, due to his inevitable—and obvious— pain and soreness. That trust was what would betray him.

It would hurt Matt to leave, and if he was caught, the punishment would be severe. But Matt would have to take that chance to escape, even if he couldn't even stand, let alone walk, very well.

As soon as Matt heard the water turn on and the shower door slide and slam against the other end, Matt forced himself to roll out of bed. He held in his protests, doing his best to quiet his screaming muscles. This would likely be his final chance to escape. After Mello had broken him… Who knew what he would do? Maybe keep him chained in his basement.

If Mello heard him, he would be caught. He had to remain silent, through all the pain.

He grabbed a coat from the closet—it was Mello's; everything was Mello's— and his clothes, which were scattered on the floor. He hastily pulled them on, ignoring the pain as he stretched his legs to put his pants on. It was almost unbearable, and Matt almost fell over and lost his balance, but he fought through it.

He limped towards the door, grabbing his laptop and charger—though it might slow him down, it'd help him survive if he got out— and prayed that the door wouldn't creak.

It did.

_Fuck!_

Matt didn't try to be quiet any longer. He stumbled out the door, grabbing onto the railing in front of him. Damn the fourth floor. Damn it!

He should still have a few minutes—or was it seconds now?— before Mello came outside after him. He wouldn't leave without a jacket, and, of course, clothes, and that would take time. Matt was braced against the cold, and he held onto the railing as if it were his lifeline—maybe it was— as he limped down the stairs. He didn't trust the elevator now. It would take too long.

As Matt approached the second floor, he saw Mello open the apartment door, seething. He ran down the stairs towards Matt, once he located him, taking the steps two or three at a time.

"You're mine," he growled, "Get back here!"

Matt let a whimper out of his throat, and tried to move faster, but the pain was great, and Mello was catching up quickly. Too quickly.

Somehow, using all of his strength to block out the pain and cold, he made it to ground level before Mello. He couldn't rest just yet, though. He only had a lead of a few steps on Mello, and he couldn't take much more running.

"You won't escape," Mello growled threateningly, "And if you do, I'll find you."

Matt didn't look back again to see how close Mello was. He was too focused on what he needed to do in order to escape.

"Get back here! You're _mine_." His voice sounded even closer, and he could have sworn he felt Mello's hot breath on the back of his neck, but he couldn't be that close…

Matt was wrong. He _was_ that close. He grabbed Matt around the waist, digging fingernails into his flesh, and bit down on the back of his neck, drawing blood.

Matt squirmed, struggling to get out of Mello's grasp. He gasped as Mello's tongue flicked out, licking up the blood apologetically and coating his neck in hot, sticky saliva. He leaned back into it, encouraging _more_, as if he liked it. As if it would calm him down.

It didn't. Or, rather, he didn't show it by being gently and touching Matt's body softly, holding him and whispering to him, like he wanted. Like he'd always wanted from Mello… What he always wanted him to do… But never did.

What he _did_ do, however, was grab Matt by the chin and force him to turn around, pressing their lips together, as if they were lovers again. Or ever.

Mello bit down harshly on Matt's lip, and they could both taste the blood. Matt opened his mouth at Mello's demand, allowing him to slide his tongue in. He wrapped an arm around Matt's body slowly, so warm on the cold night, and let one slide up Matt's body to pull his hair. He encouraged Matt to do the same, to hold onto him, as well. He picked up on the hint and complied, and they remained undisturbed, at peace, in each other's arms, offering their warmth to the other, for a few more moments, until Mello pulled his mouth away.

"Stay?" Mello's eyes met Matt's, pleading with him silently. Promising that things would change this time, that it would be better, like it was at the moment. That every moment would be like this. No pain, just tenderness. Just love.

Matt wanted to believe him this time, wanted it to finally be true. Mello closed the distance between them once more, but this time, Matt pulled away, shaking his head. He didn't want to leave, while Mello was like _this_. These moments were so rare… Matt had always loved them, _craved_ them like a drug. He stored them in his mind to think about while he was being beaten, just to give him something better to think about, hoping that would happen every day in the future. But he couldn't allow this to continue, though tears pricked his eyes at the thought of leaving. Mello looked back at him, seeming hurt that he had pulled away.

"I can't," Matt said, forcing himself to knee Mello in the crotch and break from his grasp. Matt winced as he glanced into his blue eyes, saw his face twisted in pain, and saw him glare at him angrily again. That gave him the incentive to run, and he did, without looking back.

About a (rather painful) mile or two later, Matt allowed himself to rest. He had ended up downtown, as noted by the heavy flow of traffic and multitude of people— shoppers, or loitering teenagers, some in groups, some alone— pushing past him, treating him as if he were trash, as worthless as the dirt beneath their feet.

_At least Mello called me by name, _he thought bitterly, slightly homesick. He may not have missed the way he was abused, but there, he was fed. Bathed. Everything, really— except loved.

Oh. Right. Love… That's why he left.

That was the one thing Mello had never been able to give. Sometimes it felt like he was being loved, cared for, by Mello. He'd look into his eyes and smile, full of warmth that made Matt smile as well. He felt warm inside when that happened. It was as if nothing bad would ever happen to him.

_But if he loved me, he wouldn't hurt me. That's what people say, isn't it?_

Matt continued to walk, pushing past the crowds of laughing people who were so caught up with their _friends _and _boyfriends_— the word made Matt long for Mello, for some inexplicable reason— to notice Matt, alone, head down, barely holding back tears. His bitter loneliness made him shove, a little _too_ forcefully, some of the couples as they passed by, only glaring coldly and passing by if they yelled at him.

As the sun set and, eventually, disappeared as night fell, it grew colder and he had less and less people to walk by, watching jealously, or take out some on his frustrations on, seemingly accidentally. He desired a cigarette, desperately, as he'd rushed out too quickly to even think about snatching them. Not he regretted it; he didn't have any money, either.

And, to make matters worse, the thought of lighters reminded him of what Mello had done just hours before. That sent the lingering pain from the burns and forced, painful entry aflame once more, and he had to rest again so that it wouldn't overtake him.

Of course, as it grew darker— the streets, mostly deserted aside from a few others lingering in the area, were now only lit by dim streetlights, spotlighting certain areas but leaving most of them dark— it also grew colder. It _was_ early January, after all, in the middle of winter. He'd only brought one coat, and, though his shirt was longsleeved, it was too thin to do much to protect him from the below-freezing temperatures.

He thought back to the embrace he'd shared with Mello, both never wanting to let go of the other. He'd been so happy then, so _warm_. He could have survived forever off of the heat Mello's body had so willingly given to him, off the love in that moment.

Remembering this made Matt's heart flutter. He wanted to go back, but he couldn't. He knew how, but if he went back, he'd have to leave again eventually. Matt couldn't live with him, but couldn't live without him, either. He felt so unfaithful, just leaving him like that.

He sighed. He wanted that moment back. It had been so perfect, so wonderful in every way. The way their bodies touched, pressing up against one another; the way Mello had kissed him, showing _care_ for Matt for the first time in ages; the way he didn't need more than one word to express everything. He'd wanted Matt to stay. And Matt shot him down, kicking him in the crotch— a low move, even for what had just been done to him— and ran, ignoring the pain of the man he'd loved so deeply.

He wanted to cry. Hell, he wasn't free from pain or abuse just because he'd left Mello. Why did he think that? There was so much that could happen here, out on the streets. He could get _killed_ for God's sake! What the Hell was he thinking? At least Mello kept him alive, off the streets, away from others who could harm him.

That only reminded him of how undeserving he was of Mello. He protected him, and he'd ruined it by fighting him and leaving. He didn't deserve Mello, not after he'd betrayed him, not even giving him a second chance, not even obeying the order to stay.

Mello was better off without him. Matt should have stayed. He could have put up with more. He deserved it, for leaving the room without permission. The pain was numb now. He should have stayed with Mello; what was the point of leaving to avoid the beatings if he wanted— _needed_— to go back?

He sighed, sitting down on the cold sidewalk, jumping slightly at the sudden coldness, but recovering quickly. He was completely numb, to both the cold and pain, so it didn't worsen what pain still lingered. Or, the physical pain, at least. He wanted to go back to Mello's arms, to the moment they shared outside their apartment building. Hell, he'd rather be being beaten in the apartment, being punished by Mello's _warm_ touch. Maybe then he wouldn't be so damn cold…

He shook his head, growling in frustration. What the Hell did he do now? He had no plan whatsoever, though he'd thought of his escape many times. He needed a place to live.

Well… He _did_ have connections. He could call one of his old schoolmates and live with him for a while… But it was less than ideal. They hadn't been on the best terms since he'd cut all communication on Mello's orders when they started living together. Still, it was his only option.

There were still a few people out, most of them hurrying to their cars or inside one of the still-open stores or restaurants. He approached a woman stepping out of a store. As soon as she did, an employee locked the doors and went back to cleaning the store; it was late, past closing time.

"Can I borrow your phone?" he asked politely, staying at a distance so that she didn't think he was an attacker. "Just for a minute."

The woman nodded, stepping closer hesitantly, handing it over to him. "Be quick, I have to get home."

Matt just nodded, and gave her a smile and a "thank you," before dialing the number he had memorized years ago.

Only moments later, the dial tone stopped, and he heard a scrambled voice say, "_Hello?_"

"Hi. It's Matt. Can you give me a ride? I'll explain everything later."

"_You're awfully quick, aren't you? I'll be there in ten minutes. Stay where you are._"

_Click._

Dial tone sounded from the phone, and he flipped it closed, then handed it back to the woman. "Thank you," he repeated.

The woman nodded, then got in her car, slammed the door, and drove off, leaving Matt alone once again.

Matt leaned against the wall of a closed store, with the lights shut off and abandoned. He looked through the window longingly, staring at the cigarettes, but forced himself to turn away, sighing. He could see the breath that came out of his mouth, and that didn't help matters. It reminded him nostalgically of the smoke.

Matt knew the phone he'd called with had been tapped— most phones were, these days— and so he knew that the location would have been traced as well. He had no doubt that his ride would be coming in a few minutes. He just waited for it patiently, scared that, somehow, Mello would come after him in that time. He half-wanted it, but didn't want to go back to that after coming so far. He forced himself to think about other things— like the cigarettes. They were just _sitting_ there, practically begging to be smoked…

Sure enough, within fifteen minutes, the limo pulled up beside the store that Matt was currently thinking of breaking into for the cigarettes. It was either just in time or a _minute_ too early; he'd been on the verge of hacking into the security system.

"Are you going to get in or not?" an emotionless, familiar voice asked, rolling down the window, distracting him from the cigarettes.

Mello wouldn't bother him, not while he lived with _him_. The two were mortal enemies, after all. He felt a sudden, sharp stab of guilt that he would be living with the person the man he loved hated the most on the planet.

Ignoring it, he climbed in, and it sped off into the distance.

_**A/N: Aw. I always end up putting Matt through Hell in my stories. T_T Anyway, I know I called everyone sick freaks for enjoying it(you should see why now), but let me know what you think? Chapter two will be up sometime within a week or two… Whenever I feel like typing it all up. Reviews are greatly appreciated. (I'll love you forever?)**_


	2. Selfish

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note**

_** Second chapter! Thanks for all the favorites and reviews last chapter! I love the way this one's turning out. I never really let bad things happen to my characters, so… I don't know. It also helps with my sadistic moods. So, enjoy (but not really?) this new chapter.**_

Selfish

"Has something happened?" Near asked, eyes focusing on Matt. "You haven't called before tonight."

"I haven't been able to. It's been rough, I…" His voice caught in his throat, and he glanced at the driver, another familiar face. One he did not wish to know anything about his personal life these days.

"I'll tell you later," he finished.

Near nodded, picking up the subtext: _in private_.

"So… Roger's still alive, then? Damn." He didn't exactly feel like talking, yet the silence allowed him to relive the events that took place earlier, which he wasn't exactly keen on doing. He knew Near would pick up on the hind; he was observant, noticing each small detail, and the meaning _behind_ those details.

"I assumed that would be obvious. Yes, he is alive. He still isn't too fond of you. I had to force him to pick you up, and he normally obeys me without question."

Matt laughed, not in the forced way he had around Mello, but warmly and genuinely, at the thought of his younger years. It had all been so simple back then. So easy, so innocent. When he first met Mello, he was just a friend, telling him what to do to help him in his plans to beat Near, and he did it. They were inseparable— Matt would never allow him to leave his side; how ironic— and always raised Hell together, in the most bizarre, creative ways.

Matt had no answer to that, and he turned his gaze to Near for a moment or two, looking at the window once he got bored of watching him twirl his hair and stare off into the distance, looking at nothing in particular. It always fascinated Matt that he could be so entertained by, so lost in his own mind.

He tried to keep his thoughts off of Mello, tried to repress the memories, but it seemed that he was all Matt could think about.

Thankfully, the rest of the ride passed quickly, and the limo stopped. Roger— who had been driving— stepped out and opened Near's door, helping him out as well. He gave a disdainful look to Matt's side, as if doing something for the man who _used_ to take great pleasure in making his life difficult, even though his master— or boss— had told him to do it, was such a terrible thing. Near whispered something Matt couldn't hear— an order, obviously; Matt could tell when they were being given, from his time with Mello— and Roger sighed and opened Matt's door, as well.

Near turned back to face Matt. "Come. Follow me," he said, before turning back around and walking up the driveway to the house, passing evenly-spaced trees and other landscaping decorations along the way, mostly rocks and plain-looking items.

Once they stepped inside, Matt marveled at the sheer size of the rooms. The living room was the size of a house. Just the living room!

It was so _empty,_ though. It didn't feel like a home, to Matt. It was too _neat_, too perfect.

He led Matt upstairs, but just to the second floor— apparently, there were three floors, not including the basement level. He had no idea how many rooms there were; there were too many to count.

_Well, at least I'll get one all to myself._

The thought brought a grin to his face as he followed Near.

They passed four or five closed doors— and one open one, absolutely _filled_ with toys; the thought of Near having a toy room was, surprisingly, not that odd to Matt— until they came to a closed one with a gothic-style capital N on it.

"We won't be disturbed in here," he said, producing a key from his blindingly _white_ pants. "Feel free to tell me anything you so desire."

Near twisted the knob and pushed the door open. Matt's first thought was, _Yeah. This is Near's room, all right._ Toys lined bookshelves, and there were a few exceptionally tall, intricate card castles on the floor. Near sat on his bed and brought a knee up to his chest.

"What's been bothering you? You aren't the same."

"You know me well." Matt chuckled softly, shaking his head slowly, looking down to avoid Near's gaze. He still stood by the door, and he held his hands behind him, backing up a step or two to let the door close softly, letting out a soft _click_ as it locked automatically. Near looked up at the sound, but chose to remain silent.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Near asked, "Are you going to tell me what you came here for?"

Matt nodded hesitantly, unsure of whether he could tell Near what had been happening in his life recently. He inhaled slowly, both to kill a brief moment before he told the story, and to try to calm himself. Matt knew that by the way Near stared at him that he'd have to say it, no matter what, eventually; there was no way around it. Near may be patient, but Matt knew he was curious, and he had ways to make people talk. Not torture. But he knew most people would answer his seemingly-innocent questions, and he could piece it together from there. It was a slightly-dishonest tactic, and one Matt knew he wouldn't want to use on him. But, if he didn't start talking soon, he might not be as careful and let something slip that he didn't want known.

Knowing this, Matt took another deep breath and began his story. "Well… A year or so ago, I started living with Mello. We started dating. You might have heard that."

Near nodded, still politely silent, urging Matt to continue.

"Well... About eight months ago, he started drinking more often, and he started beating me." The words were hard to get out, and Matt could have sworn Near's eyes widened for a moment, just for a second.

"Then, it started to happen more often. Almost every day, I was hit. As it became more frequent, his attacks grew more violent. I was burned, beaten, cut, stabbed… And tonight…"

Matt swallowed the lump in his throat, wiping at his eyes just in case Near hadn't already seen his tears. But he knew he had. Nothing escaped his notice. Ever.

"What did he do to you?" Matt swore he heard some worry in his normally-neutral voice.

"He… He raped me." Matt looked down, ashamed, and slumped to the floor against the door he had been leaning on. His voice was soft, and he was ashamed of himself. How could he think that? He'd wanted Mello then. He still wanted him.

"What?" Near's voice was rushed and he had a shocked tone to it, the first emotion he'd shown in years.

Matt nodded. "It hurts…"

"Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want painkillers?" Near asked, not quite in his monotone, still showing a hint of his emotions, not disguising the care. He'd always shown that he cared for Matt; they had quite a history together, after all.

Matt shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it. And it's… Mostly faded by now, so don't worry about me."

Near nodded, showing his understanding.

"Can I just go to bed? It's been a long day…"

Near nodded again. "You don't have to ask. You are welcome to do anything you want here."

"All right… So… Where should I sleep?"

"You may sleep in my bed with me, if you wish." Near's answer was disturbing to Matt, who didn't want to be near anyone but Mello, and immediate. Matt didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted the warmth of another body, but part was disgusted that it wasn't Mello. Still _another_ part of him was terrified that he would be violated in some way as he slept.

He was so, so afraid of that. He couldn't even think of an answer, so he just stated, hoping Near would pick up on his fear.

He did. "Or you can sleep in the room next to this one. I thought you would appreciate the safety of having someone near you."

"Thanks. I appreciate it but… I'd rather be alone. Which room is it…?" he asked, not wanting to be an inconvenience.

"Directly to the right of this one. Good night, Matt."

"Good night. Thanks for letting me stay…" Matt didn't want to leave, didn't want to be alone, no matter what he said. The memories would definitely come back.

"You're always welcome here, no matter what. Now… Are you going to go to sleep or not?"

"Y-yeah." Matt stood up, using the door for balance. "I'll see you in the morning, then."

"If you can't sleep, you're welcome to come back in here with me. I won't mind the company." The way he spoke made Matt think that he was planning on him coming back.

Matt didn't answer. He just opened the door and walked to "his" bedroom. The door didn't have a lock, so he just closed it. As soon as he did so, he just flopped down on the bed, made neatly, with— of course— pure, plain white sheets. Everything was too _clean_ here. It didn't seem like a home. He stripped down to his boxers, to make himself a little more comfortable, not wanting to remove them because he couldn't lock the door and ensure his privacy. But he couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't belong there, that it didn't feel like a home.

But then again, the only "home" he'd known was with Mello, and that hadn't exactly been very loving— which was what homes were supposed to be, or so he'd heard.

The thought brought tears to his eyes. This time, he didn't hold back. He felt completely, utterly _alone_ all of a sudden. He did his best to hold in his whimpers, his whines, _any_ sound at all. He didn't want anybody to come get him. He didn't want to attract attention. He didn't want to be _seen_ like this.

The tears stopped eventually, after he'd relived every moment of abuse, dragged up every memory. There was nothing left to cry about anymore. Nothing left but the terrible loneliness. He just wanted _someone_ now, and didn't care who.

Not caring that he was still half-naked, and that it would be obvious from his eyes that he had been crying, he slipped out of his room and knocked on Near's softly, hesitantly, almost hoping that he wouldn't answer. But he did. Within seconds, as if he had been waiting for Matt. He probably had.

"Is something wrong, Matt?" Near asked softly, placing a hand on Matt's bare shoulder, the contact making him shiver and jump in surprise.

It was exactly what he'd always wanted with all his heart, just from the wrong person.

"Matt… Come inside. Tell me what's bothering you." He led Matt inside like some sort of pet on a leash, using the grip on his shoulder to do so, to pull him closer, giving him no other choice but to step inside. He closed the door behind Matt, ensuring their complete privacy.

"I didn't want to be alone," Matt said after a minute of silence, his voice slightly harsh from crying.

"I thought you didn't. I was surprised that you left, actually. Do you want to lie down?" Near said, gesturing to the bed.

Matt nodded. He was cold. So cold. And he couldn't stand very well. His knees were weak. Here he was, being treated like he mattered, like a _person_ for once. Mello had treated him like an animal— _worse_ than an animal, in fact.

Matt sat down on the edge, swinging his feet for a moment, before flopping down on it hopelessly.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Near asked, playing with the top button of his shirt nervously, taking a small step towards Matt hesitantly. "Anything at all?"

"No. Nothing. Nothing _you_ can offer, anyway."

"Oh." Near nodded, sitting down by Matt on his bed. He forced an arm underneath Matt so that they could talk face-to-face, or as closely as they could with the difference in height between them.

"You don't want anything from me?" As he forced Matt to sit, his hand brushed ever-so-gently, so softly that it could be seen as accidental, against the skin near his cock, just under his stomach. His boxers hadn't stayed in place, exposing so, so much to Near… But not quite everything.

And the touch made Matt notice just how close they were. He yelped, clearly not enjoying the contact, as if he had been shocked. "Don't touch me… _There!_" He sounded like a small child, and turned away from Near, covering himself.

"It was an accident. It won't happen again." Near said the words so hastily that Matt had to doubt the amount of truth to them.

"Okay." He exhaled, calming down slightly. Matt didn't want to leave again. He wanted to stay. Near made him feel so safe. And he promised not to touch him _that_ way again… Matt had always been able to trust his word, so he relaxed and allowed himself to stay.

"Can I still sleep here?" he asked quietly, as if afraid of punishment. "With you, I mean?"

"Of course."

"I will, then." He climbed under the covers, happy that he was _warm_ again. But that still didn't substitute for the warmth of another body.

"Will you turn out the light?" he wanted to see if he could cuddle with Near, since he'd never gotten that chance with Mello. He just wanted to know how it felt. And if the lights were out, then maybe he'd be agreeable since he was about to go to sleep.

Near nodded, flicking the switch. He crawled into the bed with Matt, hoping he wasn't _too close._

He soon realized that he didn't need to worry about it, however. Matt had quickly wrapped his arms around his waist, snuggling closer to Near. He might not have any romantic feelings for the man, but he was nice, and he was _warm_.

"Mm…" Matt sighed, content. He had all he wanted for the moment, and the thought of being able to be close to someone without worrying about being attacked made him smile, and long for Mello bitterly, in the same moment.

"Are you all right?" Near asked, tensing up in Matt's arms the moment he made contact.

"Yeah. Y-you don't mind… Do you?" He was hesitant, afraid of punishment, which Near supposed was perfectly natural after all he'd been though.

"No. I was just surprised."

"All right." Matt pressed his body closer to Near's, closing his eyes, willing himself to sleep. "I love you…"

Near's heart beat faster at the combination of the words and the contact with Matt, wondering if he really meant it. His voice sounded dreamy, as if he were already asleep and just sleep-talking. But, if he wasn't…

"…Mello…" he squeezed Near's body tighter, resting his head above Near's, holding his body as if he could keep him safe, protect him from everything.

"I love you, too." Near said, so softly that Matt probably couldn't even hear it. Maybe the words drifted into his subconscious somehow, because Near saw him smile, the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes.

He knew Matt was just dreaming about Mello, but he forced himself to ignore it and let himself shamefully fantasize about Matt saying those words to him. It was something he would never have, and he knew it, but he couldn't help himself. It was only human, after all.

It turned out that Matt _was_ dreaming about Mello. After an hour or so, Matt had woken up, panting. He sat up suddenly, forgetting about Near, and looked around, unsure of where he was immediately. He felt a small squeeze around his waist and looked down to see Near holding him and looking up at him. The events of the previous day flooded his mind, and though he was relieved to remember, he did his best to block it out.

"What happened?" Near asked, woken up from Matt's sudden movement, without releasing his grip on Matt's body.

"Nightmare," Matt explained, still terrified that it was somehow _real_. Though Near's touch _had_ managed to calm him down slightly, his heart was still beating rapidly.

Near nodded. "Are you all right?" He sat up next to Matt, not masking his concern. Why bother? They both knew each other so well. They'd been best friends, back at Wammy's, before Mello had even arrived. They each knew the other better than themselves.

Everything fell apart when Mello arrived. He tore Matt from Near to have for himself, and forced him to pick on his old friend. He'd done it willingly, wanting to please, to impress, this boy. He'd wanted Mello, so strongly, even back then, so he did whatever was asked of him.

But each night, Matt snuck into Near's room to apologize. Just to make sure that he didn't harbor resentment for what he'd been forced to say or do. To be sure that he knew it wasn't his idea.

In his dream, he had been forced to kill Near. Violently. Images of his body, stabbed and beaten, heart laying atop his chest, blood covering the floor, flickered through his mind as he looked down at the man.

Matt nodded, forcing the images from his mind. "Yeah. Not that I know you're okay." He smiled, taking the younger, smaller man into his arms. Matt felt Near's heartbeat, frantic, though he looked calm, as always, and exhaled, reassuring himself that his old friend was still very much alive.

Matt finally smiled, his breathing less erratic. He'd always been one to put others before himself— in every way possible. For Mello, he'd _always_ given _everything_ he could offer to the blonde. Just for a chance at _his _happiness, that would never be achieved. Mello was never satisfied, with anything. He'd left, unable to bear the weight of never being able to please the man he loved.

Others came first, in terms of happiness, pleasure, love, sexual satisfaction— even life. After all, what was the point of living when people around him weren't happy?

That was why his nightmare was so terrifying. He wouldn't think twice about laying down his own life for the ones he loved. It would be worthless to live without them. But he could never choose between Mello and Near again— especially not when the other's death was involved. Every time in the past, he had chosen Mello. This time…

Matt pressed his hand to Near's cheek, surprised at his soft his skin was, fingers burying themselves in his soft white hair, and, at the same time pulled Near close to him and leaned in, touching the other's lips with his own. The movement was gentle, the contact almost hesitant. He feared, more than anything, that Near would pull away and punish him in some way. But he didn't. He allowed Matt entrance, allowed him to take anything he wanted. He even urged him forward, moaning from deep in his throat, the sound almost enough to make Matt consider taking him right then, right there.

But Matt wouldn't be selfish. After an unbelievably short moment (for both of them), he pulled away, whispering, "sorry," under his breath, refusing to meet his friend's eyes. He released him from his arms and backed away.

Near only leaned in closer. "Matt, I—"

Matt interrupted him. He didn't want to hear his best— only— friend telling him to control himself. "I'm sorry. I can't— It won't happen again." He feared rejection, that Near would kick him out in the cold, less than an hour after taking him in.

"I want more," Near finished. Matt's eyes widened at the words, but he regained his composure and closed the distance between them, kissing him hungrily. He wrapped his arms around Near again.

He groaned as Near ran his hands down his bare skin, eventually trailing lower and lower. It felt so, so good. It had been so painfully long since he had any amount of sexual pleasure, in a non-mocking way. His deprived body screamed out for more. Just Near's touch was utterly amazing, and the way he _meant_ it, unlike Mello. His breath hitched in his throat, and he let out a moan, the touches bringing to life a desire, a _need_, to be satisfied in a way that he hadn't for such a long time. He wanted more. So much more.

"Near. Near! Stop!" His body was shaking now, and Near's hand froze near the waistband of his boxers. He couldn't stand being deprived, and the fact that he'd stopped it only made it worse.

"But you like it."

Matt nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"So why do you want me to stop? I know it felt good." Near pulled his hand away, resting it on the bed.

"I'm not ready."

"All right. I understand, then." And he did. After the Hell he had been put through, Near was astonished that Matt had let him touch him that intimately, for that long. _He's so strong. So beautiful. He deserves happiness._

"What about something else?" Near leaned in closer, laying Matt down on the bed, to lick his stomach softly, not too low— he might make Matt uncomfortable— but low enough to show him what he meant.

"You deserve it." _You deserve more, so much more. You always have. Let me give you what you deserve._

Matt shuddered at the act, feeling the warm, sticky saliva that Near had left on his stomach. As he pulled away, letting Matt think about it, he shivered as the warmth was taking away, leaving cold wetness. He yearned for more, just a _little_ more, and felt guilty for it. He stared into Near's eyes, watching him look up, seeming eager to please.

"What would Mello think?"

Near was outraged by the question; Matt could tell by the way the hope shining in his eyes was destroyed by his words. But, of course, he didn't show anything more. His eyes narrowed, only slightly.

"What about what _you_ want? You're important. You've been dating a monster who didn't let you realize that."

"I can't help my feelings for him. I wanted him to stop attacking me. It was pointless. I gave him everything, and still, he didn't stop. But I couldn't leave him alone…" He allowed Near to lean against him and wrap an arm around his waist tenderly. "I want him to leave me alone. Forever. He deserves to die, for what he's done to me."

Anger had taken over Matt. He couldn't believe what he'd just said, but he couldn't stop the train of thought. He had to voice out his frustrations.

"Do you mean that? Completely?" Near asked.

"Yes." He did. He couldn't stand that a man like that, so heartless and cruel, cold enough to attack the only man who loved him, walked this earth.

Near nodded, hiding the burning determination in his heart. Before Matt could ask questions about the meaning of Near's words, he leaned in to kiss him, something he'd wanted for years, and Matt had, unknowingly, freed the beast of his hidden desire by kissing him.

Matt still wanted more. Much, much more. Those desires were hard to ignore with Near pressing up against him, making the most erotic sounds as they kissed. He wanted nothing more than to be pleased by this man, to let loose his desires. But no matter how _good_ it would feel, Matt pulled away, pushing some of the hair out of Near's face tenderly, giving him a smile.

"Good night." The words came out slightly harsh, which Matt didn't mean to happen, but he said nothing more.

He simply rolled over, facing away from Near, ignoring the small figure hugging him, squeezing him with strength he never thought possible of him. He fell asleep, painfully unsatisfied, as usual, having forgotten the brief conversation about his wish for Mello's death. He was too busy ignoring the ever-increasing _need_ in his lower body to care.

_**A/N: Well, I have up until chapter five written. Because I haven't been paying attention in school. And am STILL hyped up on Monster. (: Review it, because I'm now getting yelled at by my teachers. (But I can keep tuning them out, if you make it worth my while? ;) I mean REVIEW, you bunch of perverts.) Short-ish chapter this time, followed by almost-filler type stuff that describes their relationship to each other. BUT, I made it interesting… And you have to wait to find out how. =D Yup. I'm evil. You knew that. Review to stop my sadism? 3 **_


	3. Loving

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_**Heh. I've been wondering if I've been writing Near in-character well enough. T_T Seeing as I've never written him before. But I decided that he'd always been himself around Matt, no matter what. So if he seemed a little off last chapter, he wasn't used to being around him, and thus, still concealing his emotions.**_

_**^ My excuse for half-assed writing. **_

_**Well, consider yourselves lucky. Since I love writing this fic so much, I've been BEASTING it. Which also means I haven't had much time to type it up, since I'm busy writing it. But, because of my fear of being caught, I'm trying to post it or at least type it all, so I won't lose everything.**_

_**Anyway… I give you permission to enjoy this chapter, because it's not twisted. (:**_

Loving

When Matt woke up, he smiled at the feeling of Near pressing against him, holding him tightly. _What a way to wake up_, he thought. After his year or so with Mello, they'd never woken up in the same bed, holding each other. Though it was probably related to how violent Mello could be, and he didn't want to be vulnerable around him while in a drunken, angry state.

Near was still asleep, so Matt just looked down at him, watching his chest rise and fall in a slow, steady rhythm, listening to the sound of his deep, even breaths. Matt had never had a moment like this, and he had no reason to believe it would happen again, so he just allowed himself to relax, cherishing the moment, and wait for his old friend to wake up.

Matt lost track of time, and he didn't know how long it had been since he woke up as he watched Near's eyes flutter open and focus on him. He looked up at Matt and smiled, a faint blush creeping its way across his pale cheeks.

"How long have you been awake?"

"A while." Matt brushed some of the hair out of Near's face, desperate to cling to the feeling of love that had entered his heart upon waking up in Near's arms. It was ridiculous, but something about it, something about Near, made him feel safe. He couldn't be hurt with him around. "Did you sleep well?"

Near nodded, leaning in closer to Matt. "Yes. Did you?"

Matt nodded as well. "I don't remember you being this clingy." His tone was lighthearted, and he reached out to stroke Near's hair softly, giving him the tenderness he craved, having never received it for himself. He longed for a caring touch on his body, just to show that someone really did care. But he was content to keep Near satisfied, if not himself.

"I didn't know if I'd ever see you again. I heard about your living with Mello, and he's awfully possessive. Of course, if I'd known what had been going on, I would have removed you from there immediately." He spoke with disdain towards Mello, presumably over Matt's abuse— he'd never been one to hold grudges, but Mello was a different matter; he'd taken Matt from him, multiple times, after all, and was always instigating fights with him— but the tone overall was gentle.

"I missed you, too," Matt said softly, realizing he had been the one person always there for him, no matter what. And now he was offering care, comfort… Love. The one thing Mello never offered him.

"But I still love— and always will— Mello."

"Oh."

"Is there something wrong with that?" Matt asked, slightly defensively, but only pulled Near closer as he sensed his sadness.

"I love you, Matt." He caught Matt's lips with his own, expressing the need he'd kept hidden. Matt kissed back, slipping his tongue into Near's mouth when he had the chance, mostly out of habit, obedience, his desire to please others first— and his own slightly-selfish desire to be loved and show it to his partner physically, wanting to be loved while he had the chance.

Near was the one to pull away, though he was the one to start it, blushing more than ever at the sudden contact, and the fact that he forced it on Matt made him feel slightly guilty. He continued to confess to Matt, twirling his hair nervously to calm himself down.

"I always have; ever since I first met you at Wammy's. You've always been so kind to me. Not many people have. Everyone judged me as the smart, diffident, isolated kid who still played with toys. But you…"

Near played with Matt's hair, not wanting to touch him anywhere that it felt awkward, but unable to keep his hands off the man. He couldn't restrain himself completely from Matt as he could with anything else.

"You're always been there for me. I confided in you all my secrets; my past, my name… Everything. You became my entire life, and you didn't even know it. You still are."

Matt's eyes were wide. He'd never seen this coming. After all those years with Near, he should have known. Should have known by the way he always smiled at him, even while he was bullying him on Mello's orders. Should have known by the way that after he became withdrawn and hid his emotions behind a mask and monotone, he always acted the same as always around Matt. Should have known by the eagerness to have Matt stay with him on such short notice, after a year without speaking to him at all.

"Do you feel the same, even slightly?" he asked hopefully.

"I feel safe with you," Matt said after a minute of silence as he thought about his answer, contemplating his feelings for Near.

"You make me feel loved. You make me feel like I matter."

"You do matter."

"To you."

"Yes, to me. Is there something wrong with me?"

"No! Of course there's nothing wrong with you." He pulled him closer, proving his point. "I just want Mello to care about me like you do." He clung to Near, not wanting the one person who loved him to go away.

Near held on to Matt as well, eager for the contact. "Will you stay with me?" Near didn't want to take advantage of Matt's situation by keeping him with him if he didn't want to stay.

"Yes." Matt pulled Near up closer to him, and kissed him on the lips. Near pulled away after just a moment.

"Why?"

"I want to know what it's like to be with somebody who actually loves you."

The answer was what Near had expected— Matt didn't care about him, only the emotions he felt around him. But that was fine, it didn't matter.

"You can stay as long as you'd like. I'll show you what it's like to be loved, Matt… If you show me."

"I'll do anything you want. Just ask."

Christ. Mello had poisoned his mind. He'd always been affectionate and obedient to the ones he loved, but he'd never been so… Eager to _serve_ anyone. And especially not Near. He would always do anything asked of him, but he never begged to be ordered around before.

Near convinced himself that it was for Matt, to satisfy _his_ need to be cared for, than his own selfish desire.

"Are you planning to get out of bed anytime soon? Not that I'd mind lying next to you all day, but I doubt you'd prefer it."

"I don't have anything to wear. Do you just want me to walk around naked or something?" It was spoken jokingly, but had a seriousness to it that Near wasn't sure he liked— even if the idea of Matt naked appealed to him.

"No. You can if you want to…" his voice was hopeful, and he paused before continuing, seeing if Matt decided he wanted to, but continued when he realized he wouldn't say any more. "but I ordered some clothes for you when I heard you were coming. They should be here today."

The thought of seeing Matt in all his God-given glory made his mouth water, but he couldn't allow Matt to do that. He'd only get carried away with it, the power to make Matt do whatever he wanted, and end up treating him worse than Mello ever had. Even though corruption wasn't a natural part of him, it was learned. Kira was a great example of that.

"Oh." Near could have sworn he sounded disappointed. "Well, in the meantime… Can I take a shower?"

"Of course. Do you need me to show you where it is?"

Matt nodded. Near helped him out of bed, assuming that he would be sore from what Mello did to him the day before. Once they were out of the room, Matt groaned and leaned up against the wall, looking to Near with a needy, helpless look. He slumped to the floor, staring at Near, who knelt down beside him.

"Are you okay?" He put his hands on Matt's shoulders to keep him upright. "Do you need me to carry you?"

Matt would have thought he was joking if it weren't for the serious expression on his face. "Nh… Yeah. I'm fine. It just hurts, that's all…" Matt laughed at the thought of the younger man carrying him. "I doubt you could."

"Is that a challenge? I'm stronger than I look. You should know that by now." The issue didn't mean much to him; he just didn't like to lose. At anything. Mainly because he rarely did, and just wasn't used to it.

Matt laughed again as the pain subsided slightly. "Helping me up would be nice, if you don't mind."

Near nodded, pulling Matt to his feet. He allowed the redhead to drape and arm over his shoulder and lean on him for balance, because the pain still lingered and he didn't want to fall over again.

Near led Matt to the bathroom, just a few more doors down, waiting by the door, silently telling Matt to go ahead and shower.

"Can you… Come with me?" Matt asked quietly, embarrassed.

"Why? I'll just be right here." He wasn't objective to it. His voice held a curious tone, but he didn't want to just go in without a reason.

"I don't want to be alone. And what if I fall again?" His eyes widened, desperate for him to come with him. "Please?"

Near nodded, accepting Matt's reasoning, and sat on the floor inside the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He looked up, admiring the mostly-naked figure before him.

"All right. If you want me to, I'll stay." Matt's face brightened, as if it were Christmas. As if he were a child again, innocent and not having to worry about being abused, and Near had to smile back; he just couldn't help it.

"Do you want me to just watch from here, to make sure you don't fall again?" Near's heart raced at the thought of seeing him completely naked, or even just his silhouette through the clouded glass door, which would leave a little mystery to Near's mind, even if he stood, watching, the entire time, just staring at Matt's body.

Matt shook his head. "You'll have to leave me when you shower, so…" he seemed hesitant to say the next part, thinking that he would scare off Near, the only person who had truly always been there for him.

"Yes, Matt? I won't tell you no or deny you of anything you want. If it's reasonable, that is."

Matt nodded, still hesitant. It _was_ a behavior learned from living with Mello so long that he shouldn't ask things even slightly unreasonable, as they might anger him and end with his being hit yet again.

"Will you shower with me?"

Matt was just full of surprises for him lately, wasn't he? Near had definitely _not _expected something like this. He wasn't going to complain, though.

"Sure." His face was slightly red, having never been fully naked around anybody before, or even _seen_ anyone else that way. Of course, he knew what to expect. But it wouldn't compare to actually having been there himself, and seen it with his own eyes.

Matt beamed, and Near's heart fluttered knowing that his expression, his happiness, was all because of him. Matt removed his boxers, throwing them to the floor, and stood before Near calmly in all his glory, unaware of Near's unashamed stares. He stepped into the shower and figured out the knob, turning it on so that the water poured all over his body.

"Mm…" Matt gave a small moan as the steam surrounded his body, oblivious to how _gorgeous_ he looked to Near, with moisture glistening on his skin, and he ran his hands through his soaked hair, before he turned to Near, a slightly confused expression on his face.

"Aren't you getting in?" he asked.

Near nodded, unbuttoning his shirt slowly, nervously, and dropped it to the floor before looking to Matt once more, fingers stopping abruptly on the waistband of his pants.

"Why are you so shy? I don't have anything to hide," he gestured to his body, from his chest to his hips. "and neither should you. We've known each other for years, after all."

He nodded, still embarrassed, face dark red by this point. He tentatively started to pull down his pants, when Matt gave a low, teasing growl of approval.

"And it's not as if I don't like what I see."

That only made Near blush even more, but eventually, he got over it and stepped into the shower with Matt, enjoying the warm spray of water on his back and his close proximity to Matt.

Matt held out the soap— an expensive, likely foreign, brand that he couldn't hope to pronounce— to Near, the gesture literally saying, "wash me."

Near blushed at it, but again, he still did what was asked of him, since Matt deserved to be treated right for once. After squirting some soap on his fingers and lathering it on his hands, he draped himself over Matt, placing his hands on Matt's chest, and began to wash him, gradually creeping lower— though unintentionally.

Matt leaned back into his touch, letting out a breath slowly. For once, he allowed himself to completely relax. His burns didn't hurt so badly if he didn't think about it, and Near touching him gently made the pain all disappear.

"Ah… Near…" Matt moaned when his hands traveled past his waist, gently touching rather _sensitive areas_ on his body.

"Don't…" he said weakly, though desire filled his voice, clearly wanting it.

Near nodded, mumbling, "Sorry," under his breath as he backed away a little, as far as he could get in the relatively small shower. It was only built for one, after all, so they were forced to be close.

"Matt…" he said in a mix of shock and horror as he took in the sight of the other's body, still somehow _perfect_ to Near, even after all he'd been through. "Is that… Blood?"

Matt nodded, turning around to face Near, looking pale.

"Was it Mello?"

Another nod. His silence was almost starting to scare Near.

"Matt, I… I'm sorry that happened to y— Mm?"

Matt cut off Near by pressing him up against the wall and pressing their lips together, eliciting a surprised moan from him.

He pulled away after only a moment. "I'm safe now, with you; don't worry."

As Near opened his mouth to speak his reply, Matt closed the distance between them again, sliding in his tongue before he could protest or resist. Near leaned back against the wall as Matt's hand traveled lowed on his body, fondling him.

Near's breathing quickened, and he moaned, the sensation new to him; he'd never been touched there before, not even by himself— well, not in a sexual way. And never in a way that felt so _good_.

He pulled away from the kiss. "Matt, why…?"

"I want you to have what I never did: the one you love to please you." He continued stroking Near, who only grew more flustered by the second. "It feels good, doesn't it?"

"Ah! Ah…. Yes." Near's eyes were shut, head against the wall, thrown back from the pleasure Matt's touches gave him. A slight blush spread across his face, and he was breathing heavily, with his mouth open.

"Want more?" Matt whispered in his ear, licking his neck, making him shudder. He'd never been touched so intimately before; Matt could tell, just by his reaction to the simple teasing. He pulled his hand away, allowing Near— the man who became his new master without even knowing it— decide what he should do.

"Not unless I can return the favor," he whispered back, his voice sounding sexy to Matt. "It's only fair."

"I don't deserve it. I give; I never receive." It was a lesson he had learned from Mello early on. He even felt guilty for stealing it, even from himself, when he was alone.

"You deserve it. You've given up everything to others your entire life, and I won't allow you to be taken advantage of. Now, anything you do to me, I'll do to you. It's what lovers do for each other— and that's what you wanted, wasn't it?"

_Of course he would have such a rational view of sex,_ Matt thought. He nodded. "That's what I've always wanted… I trust you. You can do anything to me, then."

"What has he done to you…?" Near asked, touching Matt's length the same way Matt has his. Soon, he heard Matt crying out in a frenzy, moaning louder with every touch.

"Don't stop… Just a little more… Please?"

There was so much _urgency_ in his voice that made Near wonder why he would need to tell him not to stop. Unless Mello had _pretended_ to want to please Matt, and had stopped just short of doing it. _What cruelty… Matt deserves better. _

Much to Matt's apparent surprise, he didn't pull his hand away. Not until he made the man fall back onto Near, moaning his name.

"That felt so good… I want you to feel the same."

He didn't have much time to protest— or fake one, which was what he had been planning— before Matt was down on his knees in front of him. His warm breath— still ragged, as he was coming down from his own high— over Near's hard cock nearly made him squirm from the sudden, unfamiliar feeling.

He shuddered as Matt ran his tongue over his length slowly, moaning softly. He caught Matt looking up at him proudly before taking him into his mouth a little at a time.

He worked Near into his mouth slowly, listening to his breath grow ragged and his moans grow louder and less restrained. Without warning, he released himself in Matt's mouth with a loud cry, then allowed Matt to remove him from his mouth before he collapsed, panting, on the floor of the shower. He reached up and shut the water off, not taking his eyes off Matt the entire time.

"Wow, Matt…"

Matt's face brightened, proud that he made his best-friend-turned-lover feel good.

"Do you want ore? I can give you as much as you want."

Near shook his head, unable to concentrate on anything but the incredible rush of pleasure he'd just been given. He'd never had anything like that in his entire life. He did want more, but he felt as if he would pass out if more was given.

"I… Can't. We should get out of here, it's been a while…" he rambled, unable to get his mouth to form the words, for once. He'd always been able to keep calm, but Matt somehow negated that. And with what had just been done to him, his mind was, for the first time, completely blank.

Thoughts slowly made their way back into Near's mind. "But… Maybe later. Just not now."

Matt nodded. "If there's anything else I can do for you, just tell me what to do. I'll do it as soon as I can."

"You don't have to do anything for me. I'm trying to make _you_ happy. You don't have to do the same; you have for years. It's my turn to repay you for it." Near didn't like the way Matt had been acting recently. He was treating him like… a master, something he wasn't— and never would be— used to.

Matt just nodded. "I still want to please you." He leaned in closer to Near, kissing down his neck. The younger leaned his head back, allowing for further access, though he protested.

"And you have. Every day, out of all those years, you made my life perfect just by being there."

Matt continued his 'work' on Near's neck, licking and sucking at the tender flesh, marking Near as _his_. Near had to fight back a moan, but he quickly composed himself.

"Is there anything I can get for you? Anything at all?" Near pushed Matt away gently, and as he pouted, Near sighed and petted his wet hair apologetically.

"I miss being able to play games. And I want a cigarette," he said, the approving touch making him smile. Mello hadn't allowed him to play his games, something he greatly missed. He'd given up everything to live with Mello: his virginity, his personality, every one of his possessions, his possessions, and he was forced to offer every one of his useful skills, whenever Mello demanded, and every second of his time. They were all given to Mello, if useful, and the others were forgotten. His brain had been wiped clean, and he was taught how to be useful to the blonde— that was all he remembered.

But his primal, basic desires, such as love or sex… There was no way Mello could take them from him. He remembered every second of _wanting_ those things. Come to think of it, Mello may have left those in his mind just to encourage him to break, to bend to his will quicker.

Near break the contact, leaving Matt longing, and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a— white, of course— towel, and used it to dry his body, then his hair. He wrapped it around his waist and reached for a spare, hanging on a rack near the sink, and tossed it to Matt, still standing in the shower, who caught it with a, "thanks."

He watched at the redhead dried himself off, shaking the water from his hair like a dog, which made Near smile. Unlike Near, he didn't leave the towel around his waist modestly. He hung it back on the rack where Near originally took it from.

Near looked at him and blushed, eyes wide. "Are you going to walk around like that?"

Matt just shrugged. "I don't have any clothes."

"So you're just going to strut around naked?" his voice showed disbelief and his eyes were still wide.

Matt shrugged again. "Sure. I'm not ashamed. Aren't we alone here, anyway?"

"Why would you be?"

Matt could have sworn that was a compliment, rather than a general statement, but he didn't say anything about it.

"But no, we're not alone. I'm allowing my workers to stay here. There are five other people… Not including Roger, of course."

"They'll get an eyeful, then." Matt had never been all that modest, so he wasn't bothered by the idea of strangers— and an old teacher of his— seeing his body.

"It wouldn't kill you to practice modesty."

"I know. I'm just waiting for my clothes to get here. I'll wear them then."

"They should be here already, actually. I had them shipped overnight."

Matt nodded.

"Should I go get them, then?"

"If you want, I guess." He actually seemed slightly disappointed about it, as if he actually _wanted_ to walk around naked.

"Okay. I'll take you back to my room so nobody sees you."

He allowed Matt to lean against him, using his body to balance himself. Near was extremely carefully to keep his hands— and eyes— above Matt's waist, no matter how difficult it was, and to make sure every ten and a half seconds to check to be sure that his towel remained in place.

Once they got to Near's room, Matt laid down on the bed, spreading his legs out shamelessly. Near averted his eyes— much to his dismay, as he still wanted a decent look at Matt's body; he'd been looking away most of the time, too shy to stare directly— and walked towards the door.

"You're leaving me alone?" Matt asked, fear in his voice and his eyes wide.

"Only for a minute, to get your clothes. Can't you occupy yourself for a short time while I go downstairs?" he didn't want to leave Matt as much as Matt didn't want to be left alone, but it had to be done. Matt couldn't be seen this indecently. If possible, he didn't want anybody to even _know_ that Matt was here— aside from Roger, of course.

"I don't care if I'm "occupied" or not. I'll still be alone," he said, with the same tone a small child might use when expressing fear of the dark.

Near sighed. "Fine. I'll have Roger bring them up, then." He pulled a cell phone off of his nightstand and dialed a single number.

He skipped introductions, getting right to the point. "Bring up clothes for Matt. They should be by the door already. Leave them _outside_ my room, and knock when you leave them."

_Click_.

He didn't wait for an answer before hanging up. Within five minutes, there was a knock at the door. Near opened it slowly to make sure Roger was gone, and picked up the box. He tore it open and handed it to Matt.

"I bought what I remember you always wearing: striped shirts and jeans. Though it seems awfully repetitive…"

Matt almost laughed at the irony and hypocrisy in his statement.

"Anyway, you have enough for eight days— a week, plus an extra set, if you need it, for whatever reason. If you want anything else, I'll order it."

"Thanks." The gesture meant a lot to Matt, as nobody else had shown care for him like this. Nobody had ever done anything like this for him. He pulled a black-and-white striped shirt over his head, then stood up to put on the boxers and pants, much to Near's dismay. He was the one who made such a fuss over Matt being clothed, and yet, once he was, he wanted the opposite.

"They fit pretty well, thanks." Matt bit his lip and looked down for a second before turning back to face Near. "Hey, Near…?"

"Yes, Matt?" he turned quickly to face him.

"You… Really love me, right? You wouldn't hurt me?"

He blinked, surprised that he seemed capable of hurting Matt. "Of course I'd never hurt you."

Matt nodded. "Good… I never liked when he hit me. I really am safe with you…" He flopped down on the bed again, looking towards Near, who still stood by the door.

"Of course you are." He walked to the bed, sitting down on it next to Matt. He stroked the redhead's hair softly, reassuring him that he was safe from harm, that everything would be all right. He gave a content sigh and seemed to sink further into the bed, looking up at Near innocently.

"May I ask you something?" Near asked, his voice startling Matt out of his thoughts.

"Anything."

Near nodded, stalling for time, hesitant to say what was on his mind. "You won't leave, right? You'll stay with me?"

"Yes. Of course. I'll stay anywhere I'm safe… And that's with you." Matt wrapped his arms around Near's waist, the shirt he wore being forced up a little, so his arms rested against his warm, bare skin.

This change in position caused Near to lose his balance and fall onto the bed, laying beside Matt. Taking advantage of Near's new position, he snuggled closer, ending up resting his head on Near's chest. He looked up at the other in such a way that he didn't have the heart to ask him to leave.

Matt's body warmed his, and he didn't even feel a need to move. For now, there was just this moment with Matt, and nothing more. With the man he loved pressing himself against his chest, breathing softly, nothing could be more perfect.

But for some reason, something about Matt's earlier comment bothered him.

_**A/N: Heh… I thought of songs for the way they act in this fic. Matt's? Addicted by Saving Abel. Mello's? Eighteen Days by Saving Abel. And Near's? You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift. XDDDDD**_

_**Yeah, I'm funnier than you, get over it.**_

_**So, anyway, sorry about the fluffiness in this chapter. D: It doesn't fit with the rest, does it? It feels like filler to me. T_T But I did reveal more about why Matt's the way he is, so it's not a completely useless chapter! XD**_

_**Oh, and by the way, it says Roger becomes a second Watari to Near later on, but I had to sort of speed that process along for this to work. D:**_

_**Reviews would be lovely? 3 Encourage me to upload the next chapter quickly. (:**_


	4. Interrupt

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_**Short-ish chapter this time, sorry guys. And… This was kind of painful, since I'm not really into Matt/Near. D: I need therapy, now. But oh well, I like writing it. So, enjoy it while you can, before it gets super-angsty again. (:**_

Interrupt

For the next few days, Matt's life continued the same way. He went to sleep with Near, bodies holding onto each other, and never let go, because each was all the other had in this world. They showered together— though less eventfully than their first time— dressed, and spent the day together, catching up on how life had been since they'd seen each other last.

Matt needed constant reassuring of his safety, and that he was loved here, which Near was glad to offer— in the form of a kiss, or an embrace. He spoke towards att tenderly, always trying to soothe and relax him.

Over the next few weeks, Matt developed more feelings towards Near. He had a need for him, and could barely stand to be apart from him— though it was still and improvement from how needy he had been when he first arrived. He stopped seeing Near as his master, and simply as a lover— though they still hadn't touched each other again. Near refused to be touched unless he was allowed to please Matt in the same way, and Matt wasn't ready to be touched that intimately again, no matter how much he trusted— and _wanted_— Near.

Matt stopped forcing himself on Near when he was reminded of Mello. He stopped being so desperate for approval, and simply allowed himself to relax, enjoying the other's company.

Matt still had his need to please, but he wouldn't do it if told not to, so they both went unsatisfied for those weeks— though Near made it clear that he was ready for anything, whenever Matt wanted it.

However, his feelings for Near didn't even come close to rivaling those for Mello. About a month after Matt's arrival, it was Valentine's Day. Near couldn't think of a better person to spend it with, though Matt's thoughts kept returning to Mello, no matter how close to Near he was.

And he was _close_. Matt was just playing a violent game in a detached way, not minding all the blood one bit— though, had he played it a month ago, he would have been terrified, throwing himself into Near's arms for comfort. Currently, said man was resting his head in the redhead's lap, watching him play for a few seconds, then shifting his focus to Matt, then back to the screen.

Matt had stopped kissing Near when he was just desperate for a touch, when he missed Mello desperately. He'd started to care for him like a lover— like they really _were_ lovers. He kissed him when he needed _him_, and nobody else.

Matt finished the level and saved at one of the checkpoints, looking down to stare at the pale, beautiful man in his lap, looking back at him affectionately with a warm smile.

"What do you want to do now, then?" he asked, noting that Matt had shut off his game.

Matt didn't answer immediately; he just pulled Near up to a sitting position and pulled him into his lap, so that they were face-to-face. He wrapped his arms around Near and kissed him. He opened his mouth at Matt's request, allowing him to slip in his tongue.

Without breaking their contact, Matt slowly laid Near down on the couch, sliding his hand up his shirt gently. He pulled his lips away, but stayed close enough to whisper in his ear in a breathy, sensual voice, "I'm ready."

Near's heart sped up at the words, and he had to hear it again just to know that it was true, that this was really happening. "You are? Really…?"

Matt nodded, removing Near's shirt completely and gently touching his stomach, fingers toying with the waistband of his pants.

Near moaned— rather loudly— as Matt slipped his hand down his pants to stroke him, wanting to get him in the mood to enjoy it as much as Matt would. Near allowed him to remove his pants, but reached in the pockets for a moment, producing lubricant, which he handed to Matt, who took it with a questioning look.

Near sighed, explaining, "I've been waiting for you to say that." It sounded almost romantic, and he wrapped his arms around Matt's neck, leaning in for a kiss. Matt was only too happy to oblige him, but Near pulled away shortly after.

"And since I didn't know when that would be, I just kept it with me all the time." He said it like it was completely normal.

Matt smiled, stroking his friend's hair lovingly, kissing him once more.

Their relationship was more emotional than he'd ever thought possible— but Mello was his only comparison, so perhaps that wasn't quite fair— and they were more affectionate than physical to each other.

Of course, that didn't mean they hadn't been looking forward to this moment for a long time.

Near's hands reached for Matt's belt, which he unbuckled before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. He also removed his shirt, and they were now both completely naked, with Matt on top of Near.

Matt squirted some lube on his fingers, getting ready to prepare Near, and placed his fingers at his entrance.

"Ready?"

"Yes."

Matt slid in one finger, then added the second and third after a while, when he seemed to adjust enough. Near gave a loud moan as Matt's fingers struck his prostate. But after a moment, Matt pulled the fingers out, and he whined at the empty feeling.

It didn't last for long, however, as they were soon replaced by Matt's cock.

"Mm…" Matt groaned as he pushed inside Near slowly, until he was completely filled.

There was a weak knock on the door, and Matt groaned in annoyance, about to get up to answer it when Near held on tightly to him.

"Don't leave… Ignore it."

Matt was only happy to obey. He pulled out of Near and pushed back in, moaning as he did so. He thrust again, grabbing Near's legs to get a better angle. Which, judging by Near's loud, pleasured moan, was successful.

The knocking only grew more urgent, slightly louder than before. Matt found it hard to ignore, even though Near kept convincing him to. It only pissed him off; the sound was such a mood-killer. He was at the point where he just couldn't ignore it any more.

He pulled out of Near, ignoring his whimpers and his own body's cry, protesting its denial.

"Maybe I should go answer it…"

Much to his surprise, Near grabbed him by the wrist as he started to pull away. "Don't leave," he begged.

"But, what if it's—"

Before Matt could finish asking his question, Near used his grip on Matt to flip them over so he lay on top of the redhead. He kissed his neck, then bit and sucked at the flesh, making sure to mark Matt as _his_, no matter what.

Matt let out a moan, but looked up to Near, confusion shining in his eyes. "Why…?"

"It's not important." He ground his hips into Matt's, making damn sure their visitor heard his moan. His lips traveled down Matt's body, but stopped before he took his cock into his mouth, looking up to with his eyes to Matt for confirmation.

"I'm going to check." Matt was stubborn, and Near had no choice but to let him go to the door, no matter how much he didn't want Matt to stop.

Matt stood up, forcing Near off of him, and opened the door, gasping as he looked at the figure at his feet. He was covered in stab wounds, cuts, and, of course, rain, from being outside in it for God-knows how long. His clothes were torn, either from the knife that wounded him or dragging himself along the ground— he was in no shape to walk. It was probably a combination of both.

"Mello…?"

He chuckled. "Looks like you're happy to see me."

Matt turned back to Near, unable to look at Mello after what he'd just done, who stood, looking back to Matt guiltily. "Do you want to explain to me what the Hell is going on?"

_**A/N: Ohhhh. Drama. 3 YES, Near carries lube around. It's totally normal. XD I'm sorry, but I just can't write sex scenes with Matt and Near. I have semester exams, and since my school's stupid, I won't be able to write during school. My next few chapters might be a little slow, because I don't have as much time to write at home (since I'm normally brain-dead when I get home) and I'm struggling to overcome my Monster addiction. XD Sorry this chapter's so short. The next one should be longer… Anyway, I love all the people who have reviewed this! 3 **_

_**What? You're saying you don't feel loved since you didn't review it? Well, there's an easy way to fix that, isn't there? (:**_


	5. Two Timing

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_**A/N: I feel I've failed you. D: It took me a while to get this up. And I didn't mean I wouldn't update in a while, I said I didn't have as much written… But I fixed that. :D So, I haven't felt like typing it up, after taking tests all day this week. BUT, here's a long chapter this time… And there's plot! O: So, here you go. (:**_

Two-Timing

"Matt… You don't understand." Near shook his head.

"You're right. I don't understand. Explain it," he said forcefully, leaning down to check if Mello was okay.

"Matt… Help me," Mello pleaded, looking up to Matt desperately.

"I will. I promise." Matt ignored the pain this man had caused him, emotionally and physically. All the lingering scars were gone, leaving only the love he'd always felt for the man.

He stroked Mello's hair soothingly, a gesture Near had used to calm him down many times, mostly here, when he first arrived. It helped to reassure him, especially when he was having a breakdown over leaving Mello.

"I couldn't allow him to live after what he's done to you." He spoke like it was not a big deal, which pissed off Matt more than ever.

"You're responsible for this?" He glared at Near, holding Mello closer to him, unable to believe his friend was capable of such an act. He was covered in his lover's blood, and his own clothes were getting soaked from the contact, but he didn't care at this point. He had other things to worry about.

"You told me you wanted him to die for what he did to you!" Near raised his voice to Matt, for the first time, and to be honest, it scared him.

"I didn't mean it." His voice sounded pathetic to him, but it was something he couldn't help; now, he had fear for his best friend, and he couldn't stand the thought of Mello dying.

"You told me you did, so I had it arranged."

"I said it once, and I didn't know what was happening. I was scared, and you helped me. I only saw who I wanted at the moment…"

"I'm sorry for misunderstanding. Can you forgive me?"

It wasn't like Near to simply misunderstand. He had _wanted_ to do this, simply because Mello had what he wanted— Matt. And he'd only abused him, taken his body by force, when Near hadn't been able to do anything about it. Of course, if Matt ever found out about that, he knew he would be hated forever by the man he loved.

"Only if you help me save him. I'll never forgive you if you let him die." His voice was harsh, and cold, which was new to all of them. Matt had never been angry, never even argued with either of them. He was always warm and kind to both of them, endlessly loyal. But not now, not when his boyfriend had almost killed the man he loved.

"I will."

Mello had been silent this whole time, probably not wanting to express weakness or desperation through his voice— though he was staring at Matt desperately, pleading to let him live, to save him.

"I don't want to die…" he finally said, weakly, throwing his arms around Matt.

"I won't let you," he said, allowing him to do so— it was just what he'd always wanted, after all. "Try not to move, though."

He nodded, proving to Matt that he understood the rule by— technically— breaking it.

"Help me save him." Matt looked towards Near expectantly, desperate to save him. "What should we do?"

"He needs his wounds bandaged and disinfected, and possibly a blood transplant… Shit." Near _never_ swore, but he couldn't help himself now. He needed to do this for Matt, and he _couldn't._ "That's going to be a problem."

Matt's eyes lit up. "Give him my blood."

"No." He knew how terrified Matt had always been when he'd had his blood checked for diseases at Wammy's. He'd always hated needles.

"We don't have any other option. And I've had enough of my blood spilled to know that I'm type-O, and I know that I can give it to him." He was wager to be able to do something for Mello, and now that he knew what he could do, there was no chance in Hell that he wouldn't do it.

Near knew this; he knew how stubborn Matt could be when he insisted on helping the people he loved. He had no other choice, just as Matt said. Matt knew Near would do anything he said, and Matt would do anything he could to protect Mello. There was no way around it: Mello would live, whether Near liked it or not.

"We have equipment for emergency medical procedures downstairs. If you two go down there, we should have everything we need to save him." Near sighed, finally giving in to Matt, as they both knew all along that he would do eventually.

"So, I should carry him down there, right?" Mello clung tighter to Matt ad the sound of those words.

"If you can."

"Can you?" Mello looked up at him, his last hope for survival.

"Of course I can." He stood up, having to pry Mello's grip off of him, and picked him up bridal-style.

"I'll be careful, I promise." He allowed Mello's arms to wrap around him again, as he twisted himself to face Matt, lying on his side in his arms, the movement obviously causing great pain. Sensing his fear and the pain, Matt pulled him closer to kiss him on the lips, and something miraculous happened: he didn't pull away, as he always did when Matt tried to show affection. He allowed Matt to kiss him, and calmed down visibly.

"Everything is going to be fine."

Near watched this, jealousy shining in his eyes, though it went unnoticed by the both of them, before he led them into the basement, his back facing them. With them behind him, he was free to make any expression of his jealous rage that he desired. This plan had completely backfired. Mello wasn't supposed to find his house, to remember where it was. He wasn't supposed to trace it back to Near, who had framed a rival Mafia member. And he most certainly was _not_ supposed to be making out with _his_ boyfriend, while being held in his arms delicately.

He'd finally helped Matt recover from the physical and emotional scars from living with Mello. He was not about to let new ones form, not while he was around.

Once they arrived in the basement, Near opened one of three doors, which led to a room with a bed and various medical equipment. He asked Matt to place Mello on a bed resembling one found at a hospital, but looked far more comfortable. Matt was hesitant, reluctant to separate himself from Mello, but eventually complied and laid him on the bed gently. He stroked Mello's hair soothingly, and planted one more kiss on his forehead before pulling away as Near wheeled an IV stand by the bed and held a needle to Matt, the point facing him, signaling what had to be done.

"There's no way in Hell you're doing that to him," Mello growled protectively, not wanting the man who was saving him to be hurt or uncomfortable in any way.

"It's for you," Matt said soothingly, "I want to."

Mello knew he could never _want_ to; he knew the man had always been mortified of needles, his entire life. But he understood what he meant, that Matt was doing this for _him_, and relaxed enough to watch it happen and not take any action— though he _couldn't_, not in his current state.

Matt sat in a chair and allowed Near to prick him with the syringe, fighting the urge to run away screaming. He forced himself to be strong for Mello, and kept glancing at the bloody man in the bed to keep his resolve, forcing his mind to stay on the task at hand.

Near pulled it away once it was full of his blood, making Matt shiver at the sight of it. Near looked to Mello, lying on the bed weakly.

"We should have taken care of his wounds first. He's still bleeding too much. He'll need more than that if he's going to survive."

Matt's eyes widened. "So… You need to…" his face paled as he looked at the needle once more. "Again?"

Near nodded hesitantly, knowing the news would cause him to grow afraid again. "I'm sorry. We should bandage his wounds first, though. Otherwise, by the time we get it drawn… It would be too late." Out of his contempt for the man over what he'd done to Matt, he wasn't eager to save him. He wasn't thinking clearly about what he needed to do.

Pure terror shone in Matt's eyes as he heard the words about Mello dying, and he nodded. "Okay." He watched Near get the bandages and disinfectant. As he sat on the bed beside Mello and peeled his shirt off, Matt felt a sudden surge of jealousy.

"Don't touch him!" he cried. He knew there would be pain from the disinfectant, but maybe if Matt did it, he would calm down. Or at least be less nervous and violent than if it were Near.

"I have to, or he'll dir. I'm not enjoying this either," he said, emotionless for the most part.

"Let Matt do it." Mello's voice surprised them both. "I don't want _you_ touching me," he added with a growl, directing the words at Near.

"Fine." He pulled away, stepping off the bed to get further away, and handed the bandages to Matt. "You should know what to do, it isn't that difficult."

Matt nodded. "I can figure it out."

He sat by Mello on the bed, sliding Mello's shirt off to gain better access to his wounds.

"Can you leave? I don't want you to see him like this," he said, waiting for Near to leave before pulling his pants off.

"Fine." He didn't sound pleased, but he would do what Matt told him to. "Tell me when you're done."

Matt nodded, watching Near leave and close the door behind him.

"I just wanted to be alone with you. I apologize," Matt said, pulling Mello's pants off delicately, as to not disturb his wounds. They were both naked on the bed— Matt not having dressed after his time on the couch with Near, taking his virginity the way he wished his had been taken: with care— and that fact sure as Hell didn't escape his notice.

It made him feel guilty. He felt like he cheated, though Mello had done far worse to him. He couldn't stand their closeness, knowing he had been _closer_ to Near— Mello's mortal enemy, no less— not thirty minutes earlier. He felt like a whore, a dirty slut. He felt filthy.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" Mello smiled, allowing Matt to kiss his lips softly and stoke his hair gently. "I've missed you."

Matt's eyes brightened. He'd practically said he _cared_ for him. But then, he realized he'd caused Mello pain by leaving, and he couldn't stand that.

"I missed you, too."

He'd missed Mello since before he left; he missed how the man had been when they were younger. Even though he loved the man regardless, he wished things would be the same as back then.

They both smiled at each other, but Matt had a job to do. He grabbed the bottle of disinfectant, looking at Mello apologetically.

"I'm sorry, but I have to."

"I know. But at least _you're_ here, not him."

Mello had changed since he'd seen him last. He was more caring now, and hadn't hit or yelled at him once.

He poured some of the disinfectant on a piece of cloth, which he started applying to his wounds. Mello winced and drew in a quick breath, almost hissing as he did so.

"I'm sorry. You'll feel better soon." He kissed Mello again until he calmed down enough to smile back at Matt when he pulled away.

"Thank you."

He held Mello as closely as he could, but had to back away a little to disinfect the stab and cut wounds.

And God, he had a lot. On his chest aloe, there were at least four or five, some crisscrossing. On his legs, there weren't as many, but they were deep. It was like he'd been held down and tortured. Which meant that there had been a group, ad Mello could not be taken down in a fight, as long as there was a single person or small group of three or four people. He'd learned from L himself, after all, and had trained since he was a child— and had been in quite a few fights in his teenage years.

He finally finished disinfecting his wounds, much to both of their relief. He picked up some of the bandages and worked his way own Mello's body, starting with the wounds on his chest.

"Do you love me?" Matt asked, temporarily stopping his work on Mello's bandages to look him in the eyes.

"Yes." The answer was immediate, without any hesitation at all, and made Matt's heart race. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, and when he checked Mello's eyes, they only confirmed the words.

"Y-you do?"

"I always have, I- I'm sorry I did those things to you." He leaned in closer to Matt, groaning as the wounds stretched, but didn't open up more.

"It's all right. I love you too, and I could never be angry with you." He wrapped his arms around Mello, calming him. Mello smiled, happy to be in Matt's arms for the first time, and didn't force him away.

"Good…"

He allowed Matt to pull away after a minute or so, though he still wanted to hold him close, not used to the feeling. He realized he'd never shown Matt love— not once. And that was why Matt had left him. In the time he was gone, he'd realized he didn't know how to live without Matt.

Matt resumed and finished the bandages on Mello's chest, and now had to work on his legs. He didn't know how he would concentrate with that cock in his face.

As he wrapped the bandages, he kissed them, though he knew Mello would think it was stupid. So far, though, he hadn't protested or told him to stop, so he kept doing it.

"Are you staying here, with me and Near?" Another kiss, this one directly on his cock. Mello inhaled, trying to keep himself calm— he couldn't move very well, after all— but didn't try to stop his erection from forming.

"If you keep treating me like this… Of course I will."

Matt couldn't ignore the subtext: _if you stop, I'll leave._ He couldn't stop after hearing that; he wanted Mello to stay. So, so badly. He'd been wondering if he'd eve even see Mello again and now that he finally had, he wouldn't be able to bear it if he left.

Slowly, he licked the tip of his cock, causing Mello to let out a slightly-surprised moan.

"I don't deserve this, Matt," he said, fighting to keep control. He didn't want pity. He didn't want something he'd been craving, yet didn't deserve, out of pity. "I don't deserve you."

Matt pulled away, and though Mello's body disapproved, he was grateful.

"You came back to me. You deserve anything you want." He licked Mello again, and this time, he didn't protest. Matt wanted to do this, after all. He shuddered, looking down at a wide-eyed Matt, who stared back at him before licking again to tease him, closing his eyes and moaning from deep within his throat, clearly enjoying what he was doing to Mello, and the obviously pleased— though restrained— reactions he was given.

"You want more?" he asked in a sensual voice, eager to please, as always. He desperately wanted to give Mello something, as if to make up for lost time. But he would wait for an answer.

Mello only nodded, urging Matt forward. As Matt took the blonde in his mouth, he let out a loud moan, obviously having no sexual contact since they saw each other last.

_Unlike me,_ Matt thought regretfully, guiltily, but pushed the thought out of his mind to focus on the task at hand— or, rather, mouth.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mello's head fly back when he started sucking, still taking in as much as he could.

Mello groaned, tangling his fingers in Matt's hair, trying to restrain himself from pushing down on him to get further into Matt's mouth, to get more of the glorious pleasure he offered so willingly.

He was breathing heavily now, panting and moaning simultaneously, obviously not going to last much longer. He let out a loud moan, followed by, "Matt… I'm—"

He groaned as he came in Matt's mouth, then fell back onto the bed, looking down at Matt, breathing heavily.

Matt let him fall from his mouth, licking away a small amount of cum he missed, making Mello shudder.

"Feeling better, now?"

Mello nodded. "Yes."

Matt beamed, glad that he could please the man he loved, who had always been so hard to please. It was contagious, and so Mello smiled back at him.

Near knocked on the door, asking, "Are you done with him, yet?"

He spoke as if he heard every sound in the room, and that made Matt nervous. He felt as if he were cheating, but all he was doing was helping them both by giving them what they wanted.

"Almost," Matt called weakly, scared that would get punished for what he had done.

Mello smirked up at him, then asked, "Are we going to keep doing this?"

"If you want, of course I will. Whenever you want, so long as Near doesn't find out."

"Good." He allowed Matt to finish wrapping the bandages around his legs, and was silent the entire time, simply looking up at Matt as he did this.

"We're done," Matt called when he finished. Near stepped inside the room, having been waiting directly outside the entire time. Matt wondered how much he'd heard, but did his best to look like usual, whatever that was for him.

But Near didn't say anything.

Matt hadn't been able to put Mello's pants back on— they'd been too tight, and he didn't want to disturb his wounds.

"So, I'm ready to give him my blood… Do it now." He offered out his arm, but Near shook his head. Matt looked at him, confused, waiting for Near to give an answer.

"If he had no trouble getting an erection, he obviously doesn't need it."

Matt felt guilty. He'd had Near's love, his trust… And he gave all of his attention to Mello. He'd betrayed both of them.

"I-I'm sorry… He told me it'd make him feel better. I don't want him to be in pain… So I did it."

"You shouldn't tell me you'll stay with me and then go behind my back with him." His voice was a monotone, which he had never used with Matt. It showed that he was extremely angry, something Matt had never seen him be before. Something Matt had never been the _cause_ of.

"Don't let it happen again." He blinked, holding back the tears in his eyes, keeping a fierce, intense glare on Mello— the man who'd stolen his Matt, yet again— while he talked. It was to project an image of strength— strength he didn't have right then, but was fighting hard to gain it.

"Don't take him from me again." The words were directed at Mello. He was full of bitter rage, when he'd finally been so close to having Matt as his, and the blonde stole him away again.

"Matt." His gaze was still sharp, full of betrayal and hurt, because of Matt's actions.

"Come with me." He grabbed Matt and pulled him off the bed, forcing him to follow him into the hallway, by the stairs that had led them down into the basement. There were three doors. One led into the makeshift hospital, the others, Matt didn't know.

He pulled Matt into one, most likely for privacy— even though they were already alone. It was simply yet another bedroom.

"Why did you do this to me?" he asked. "You told me you would stay. You told me you would be with me— as a lover. A faithful lover."

"I will."

"Then why did you have the time to please _him_, yet you didn't even finish what you did to me?"

"I didn't know we wouldn't be able to finish."

"You shouldn't have done that. I've given you _everything_ you wanted since you've been here. I _love_ you."

"I love you, too." He meant it. He _did_ love Near; they had a strong connection, after all, since they'd known each other for over ten years.

"But you love him more." It was a statement, not a question. He _knew_.

"No." To prove his point, he grabbed Near and kissed him, slowly pushing him to the bed and straddling him.

"I left him. But I came to you. Don't forget that."

He kissed Near again, stroking his skin softly.

"Do you want me to finish what we started earlier?" He _did_ want to please Near, but the suggestion was partly selfish; he'd been left unsatisfied twice today, when he left Near and when he pleased Mello and had thoughts of the same thing being done to him.

"If you promise me that I'll be the only person you'll ever do this with again."

"You will be. I promise." Matt's answer was immediate, without any hesitation or doubt. But secretly, he didn't know if he could keep away from Mello. He couldn't ignore the words of the man he loved— a man so tempting, he couldn't keep his eyes or hands off of him.

But Near had done everything for him; fed him, clothed him, loved him— and hadn't gotten much back. This was Matt's chance to pay him back for everything.

He pressed his lips to Near's neck, getting a small moan in return, and he tilted his head back so that Matt could continue.

"You want it, then?" He asked Near, planting kisses along his neck, down to his chest.

"Yes." He allowed his, tilting his neck further back for better access. Matt nodded, glad he had permission to please Near— and himself. He allowed himself to push his hips forward, grinding their erections together. They both groaned, Near softly, as if he still hadn't forgiven Matt completely, and Matt, simply lost in the pleasure, groaned at the contact, the sheer _feeling_.

He did it a few more times before grabbing Near's legs, positioning himself in a way that allowed his twice-ignored erection to tease Near's entrance again.

"Matt, please hurry." Near was just as needy, as deprived, as Matt was— possibly even more so, as Matt was used to being abandoned just before his climax. Near wasn't.

At the sound of Near's begging, Matt slowly pushed into him, groaning as he did so from the pleasure, the tightness and head, that Near's body gave.

"Be gentle," he said to Matt, nearly gasping as his body was completely filled once more. Matt nodded, pulling out slowly, then thrust back in, in such a way that Near threw his head back and groaned, looking to Matt, eager eyes begging for _more._

Matt was only happy to oblige him.

He locked eyes with Near and kissed his lips softly, pulling away and stroking his hair. "I will."

He would have been, even if Near hadn't asked for him to. After the pain of what Mello did to him, he didn't want to hurt anyone else like that. He'd never wanted to hurt anyone. And especially not someone who had treated him this well, shown so much care for him, and taught him to love, not to serve blindly.

But old habits die hard. Matt decided to live in the moment and do his best to make both men happy, no matter what.

Matt took a deep breath and pushed into Near again, listening to his soft moans, his quick breaths. He arched his back and kept staring at Matt, eyes shining with desire— something he'd never seen Near express before.

As if apologizing for allowing their earlier interruption, Matt leaned his head down to a slightly-uncomfortable angle to lick Near's length, hearing him cry out in the pleasure. As Matt slowly began to take Near into his mouth, having to adjust their position so that he wouldn't strain his neck, Near tried to buck into his mouth, but Matt pulled off and held him down. He stared at Near's face, full of desperation and _wanting more, _cheeks red and mouth agate, whimpering at the sudden lack of contact.

"It'll feel good… Just wait." If Near made himself cum before Matt was able to do what Matt had planned, he wouldn't feel as good. And that's what this was— for Near.

He continued to suck Near's cock for a few moments, the room silent aside from Matt's sucking noises and the occasional moan from Near.

He pulled away suddenly, Near whimpering softly and in a way Matt had been called "pathetic" for by Mello many times. He quickly changed their positions back to what they were before, with Near beneath Matt on the bed, his legs wrapped around Matt's waist.

Breathing heavily, approaching his own climax at this point, Matt wrapped one hand around Near's cock. As he thrust in, watching Near close his eyes and gasp for breath as they both moaned, he started to jack him off, hoping to get him closer.

Others came first, after all.

After only a few more thrusts, Near knew he wouldn't last much longer. He may have only experienced this feeling once before, but he was smart enough to understand what it meant.

"Matt…!" he drew in a breath sharply and threw his head back. As Matt thrust in one more time, he released on their chests, moaning.

Matt looked down at the satisfied man on the bed and felt a surge of pride as he realized he could make someone feel this way. He groaned as Near's body constricted around him, even tighter than before. That was all it took for Matt to cum inside of him, groaning loudly.

As his breathing slowed and his mind cleared, coming down from his high, he smiled and curled up next to Near. He wrapped his arms around Matt as well, and the redhead placed kisses along Near's neck, before nipping playfully at the sensitive flesh. Near let out a surprised yelp, but slowly started to relax, giving in to Matt's mouth.

Matt chuckled at Near's embarrassed reaction and licked the area apologetically. He received a hand in his hair, petting him affectionately, letting him know that he was forgiven.

"Mm…" Matt only wiggled closer to Near, perfectly content to stay close to him, not even caring if he got his cum all over his body. He was only living in the moment, not thinking about any possible repercussions.

After simply lying there for a few moments, Near sat up, forcing Matt to sit up as well, without removing his arms from Near's midsection.

"We should go back. Do you want to see him again?"

Matt nodded hesitantly, hoping Mello wouldn't know what had gone on in the room, but knew he would be smarter than that, than to be completely oblivious.

"Can you stay away from him? Don't touch him sexually again."

Matt nodded. "I'll only do what I have to in order to calm him down."

That answer wasn't nearly as comforting as it should have been to Near, but he let it slide, helping Matt from the bed. They made their way back to the makeshift hospital where Mello was.

As soon as the door opened, Matt saw Mello's eyes focus on him. They widened in shock only a moment later, and Matt couldn't understand why.

Until he looked down at his own body and saw that he had Near's cum all over him, from their time laying on the bed, with Matt rubbing against him. Near took it to a horrible new level by licking some away from his cheek.

Matt shuddered, the sensation feeling _good_ despite what was going on, and he saw the betrayal and jealousy in Mello's eyes as he took in the sight.

"Don't try to steal him away from me, Mello. I'll never let you do it again."

"I'm so sorry, Mels…" Matt didn't know what to say, didn't know whose side to be on.

"Things shouldn't have turned out this way."

As soon as Near left them alone, Matt would explain everything to Mello. He would say that he'd been forced to do it. Maybe say Near told him he'd let Mello die if he didn't.

But he had to convince Mello to be the one who stayed with him. He was the one Matt had always craved— emotionally and sexually. Near had always been just a friend to Matt. He would do anything for the both of them— whatever they wanted. He would never allow either to suffer, not while his heart still beat— rather frantically at the moment as he tried to understand what to do.

But as he looked into the blonde's eyes, all he could think was, _how could I do this to him?_

_**A/N: Ah, the angst. It's back. I love how this fic's turning out. Fun fact #1: every time I write this, I crave Monster. Fun fact #2: the scene where Matt sucks Mello's cock is on page 69 in my notebook. Of course, I couldn't have **_that _**happen, since he can't really move, and having Matt on top of him wouldn't be good, since he's injured. But yeah, that made me laugh.**_

_**My friend hates Matt in this story… Now you know why. But I feel bad for him, because they're fighting over him, and he's just confused. Review, and I love you forever! 3 Look, there's a heart. It's starting already. **_


	6. Suffer

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

Suffer

Mello refused to look at Matt in that state. He couldn't stand how _smug_ Near was, admitting that they'd had sex just from that expression. He knew he didn't deserve Matt, but he couldn't stomach the idea of losing him, just when he'd found him again.

He ignored Near's snarky comment, which basically implied that he was _better_, and hoped Near would leave them alone to talk. But, of course, he didn't. He would always go out of his way to treat Mello like dirt.

"Matt? Who will you choose?" Near asked, pissing Mello off to no end. He knew the bastard had thought of a way to convince Matt to stay away from Mello. Far away.

"Near…" His eyes shifted between the two repeatedly as he struggled to decide. Mello's heart nearly stopped each time Matt focused his eyes on him, full of desire that pained him, knowing that he had to give up one or the other. He could have sworn that his eyes lingered on him just a second longer than they did on Near, but couldn't be sure. Mello prayed that he wouldn't be the one Matt gave up.

"I can't choose," he said after a few tense, seemingly unending, moments. Both Mello and Near were pleased, yet displeased, with Matt's answer— or lack thereof. It meant that neither had lost, yet neither had won yet.

"So don't force me to. I _can't._" Matt seemed to be on the verge of tears, and Near— the bastard who stood next to him— comforted Matt with a pat on the back. If Mello could move, he would have been there in an instant, at Matt's side.

Matt shook his head, desperately trying to decide what to do. He couldn't let either of them down.

"Who's treated you better? Me or him?" Near kept pressing Matt to make his decision. Mello knew if Matt decided solely from that, that Near would win, and he wouldn't ever touch Matt again.

"Matt… I'm never going to hurt you. Never again. I gave up drinking. It's already been a week." He sounded desperate and looked to Matt, hoping he knew that he was being serious.

"It's not what I've done, it's what I will do. And what I will do is make it up to you… If you ever give me that chance."

"Mello… I…" Matt didn't know how to react. Mello had never treated him this way before. It was exactly what he'd always wanted— Mello was promising that things would finally be better, that he would change his ways.

"Matt… I love you. I do. But I can't share— let alone with _him._ So just tell me already if you'll be with me."

Matt shook his head. He really couldn't tell either of them no.

"Well, then you won't have to share me," he finally said, nearly cringing as Mello's eyes brightened, hopeful that, even with what he'd done to Matt, he could still have him.

"I know who'll treat me right, and it isn't you." It broke his heart to see all hope vanish suddenly from Mello's face, but he knew he had to do this.

"_Him?_ Matt…" His eyes were wide, and it looked, to Matt, that he would have cried if he wasn't trying so hard to kill his emotions— he never showed weakness, to anybody.

"I'm sorry. But he's never hit me, and never will." He clung to Near, doing his best to remain composed and appear cocky when he really felt like he was going to have a breakdown.

"He's given me nothing but pleasure, as you can obviously see." He chuckled, hoping to God that this all sounded read. Near made it look even more realistic by licking Matt's neck, having to tug down on him in order to reach. Matt was both thankful and disgusted by this; it made this all seem almost natural, but he could tell that it hurt Mello so much more.

"Do you want another round, Near?" The voice that came out of his mouth sounded exceptionally cruel, and he hated himself for it— especially when he saw the disgusted look Mello gave him.

"Certainly."

Near took Matt's hand and started to pull him out of the room, but before he did, Matt took one last pained room at the man on the bed, taking in his hurt expression, betrayal shining brightly in his blue eyes. He suspected that as soon as they left, Mello wouldn't be able to hold anything back any longer.

"Mello." He whispered softly, making sure that he had the blonde's attention. He just stared at him with those hurt filled blue eyes, and Matt's heart just… broke, seeing him like that.

"I love you," he mouthed with wide, innocent eyes to Mello, watching his eyes filled with hope once more before Near dragged him out of the room, and he shut the door. Now, all Matt could focus on was the task he knew would only bring him more guilt, cause him more pain. He simply couldn't stand to break either's heart, or leave either unsatisfied.

He loved them both too much.

Once they were out in the hall, Near led them to the other room again. Matt reminded himself that it wasn't over yet. He still needed to please Near, but he really wasn't in the mood for it. He just wanted to go back to Mello and reassure him that everything would be all right, that he would stay with him for the rest of his life.

"What do you want me to do this time, Near?" he pushed Near against the wall, nibbling on his neck teasingly.

Near let out a moan at this, and as Matt thrust his hips into Near's, the sound didn't turn him on like it would have if Mello made it.

Regardless, the friction had created a desire that hadn't been there moments ago, and he was now able to satisfy Near.

"What do _you_ want to do?" Near asked, to Matt's dismay. He didn't know what to do; he was stuck between the two men he loved the most.

"I want to please you," he whispered, licking Near's earlobe and cheek, "the one I chose."

The words stung Matt's heart as they left his lips, but he kept going, needing to do it to prove his loyalty— though he wasn't even loyal anymore. He couldn't disappoint Near, not after finally giving him the one thing he wanted. They'd gone through all those years together, and had been inseparable. He needed to repay the man who had shown him what it meant to be loved unconditionally.

But Mello, the man he loved… He just couldn't bear losing him like that. And especially not when he was promising to change.

Near looked into his eyes, seemingly desperate for more. Matt couldn't just leave him waiting, so he pressed his lips to Near's, hoping to satiate the other man's desire— if only for a moment— while the tears leaked from his eyes, as he was no longer able to hold them back. Near tried to pull away as he felt the wetness, but Matt held on tighter, continuing to kiss him as if nothing was wrong. As if he loved him. As if he were Mello.

After a few moments of this, Near finally managed to break free, twisting his head away to break the contact. "Matt… Do you honestly want this?"

Near brushed away one of his tears with a finger and looked at him, as if he couldn't believe what the redhead was doing.

Matt couldn't lie to him; not now, not ever. "No."

"Do you even want sex right now? At all?"

Matt shook his head, wiping the tears away with one hand while the other still held on to Near. He could see straight through him after all these years. Matt was slightly grateful for that; he didn't have to force himself to have sex with a man he didn't have romantic feelings for. Sure, he would be satisfied after pleasing him. But he just couldn't do it— not after seeing Mello again, and not with him in the next room, probably in earshot.

But he saw the pained look on Near's face, and instantly hated himself for it. He'd lied to Near about wanting sex, and he hadn't even gotten to please him. It had just been torture, for both of them.

"Then why did you say you did?"

"I wanted to get out of there. I… I can't stand seeing him that way." Out of desperation, he wrapped his arms around Near once more, resting his head on his shoulder, finding comfort in the warmth of his friend's arms, reassured by his simple, gentle touch.

"I understand."

Near felt a few drops of water on his shoulder and looked to Matt, seeing him crying. He couldn't stand the thought of Matt sad, and the sight was a million times worse.

"I'm so sorry… I can't do this."

"It's all right. Don't criticize yourself." Near tried his best to offer comfort to him, knowing that he would be confused.

Matt pulled away to look at him with red eyes, and shook his head slowly, ashamed of everything he'd done in the past few weeks— every tender moment with near, every hug, every kiss.

"I love him. I can't do this anymore."

He pulled Near closer, letting out a choked sob. Near sighed, realizing everything he'd inadvertently forced Matt into had only made the burden in his heart greater. He patted his friend's— no longer lovers; Near wondered if they ever really had been— back soothingly.

"I won't be the cause of your suffering." He removed his arms from Matt, already hating the separation, and the redhead stared at him, questioning silently with his eyes.

"Go to him." The words, he knew, would bring great joy to Matt. And they did— his face brightened, smiling in a way Near had never been able to make him. His tears vanished suddenly, and if not for his red, puffy eyes and the fact that Near _saw_ him crying, it wouldn't be known that he'd been crying just moments before.

He pulled back from Near cautiously, taking his warmth with him, and Near shivered as he did so. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Matt nodded. "Thank you." He gave Near a quick kiss on the lips before rushing out the door and into "Mello's" bedroom, while Near just watched him go.

The words may have made Matt's world perfect, but they absolutely killed Near.

_**A/N: ANGST. LOVELY, LOVELY ANGST. **_

_**I think I have a nice little rhythm going with this fic: long chapter, short chapter, etc. Or, at least, that's how it is now. XD I spent all of Saturday night/Sunday morning writing this, from about 9:30-2 AM. I have to say, I think you'll enjoy that chapter, which I'll post as soon as I feel like typing it up, since it's a lot. **_

_**P.S. Reviews make me want to write/type this. 3 **_


	7. Domination

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_**A/N: Well, to all the Matt/Near fans, I'm sorry. I guess. D: To all the Matt/Mello fans…Well, you'll find out soon. (: **_

_**And… it's the 26**__**th**__**. Of January. DDDD: **_

_**I wrote the end half of this chapter in three hours. Enjoy.**_

Domination

"Mello…" Matt allowed the door to click shut, the sound causing Mello to be pulled out of his thoughts and look to Matt. He sat up, groaning, to get a better look.

"Matt… What?" Mello was confused, and didn't know what to make of the situation. Was he coming back? He did say he loved him...

He rushed to Mello's side. "Don't move… You'll open the wounds."

Mello nodded and allowed himself to be pushed back to lay on the bed, looking up into Matt's eyes, filled with worry and love— something that Mello had somehow, cruelly, missed each time he'd beaten Matt.

"Why are you here, Matt?" His eyes were wide, and simply stared at Matt with wonder, not believing or understanding his loyalty.

"Because… I love you. I want to be here for you." He stroked Mello's hair soothingly, trying to calm him down.

"And… He's just letting you be here? You didn't have _sex_ with him again, did you?" He spoke cautiously, as if he really didn't want to know what had gone on in that room. It was understandable to Matt; if Mello was having sex with another man, he wouldn't want to know either.

"He understands. He's not as emotionless as you think he is." He hated to stand up to Mello— and still feared a beating, though it would have been impossible in Mello's current state— but he _had_ to defend his lifelong friend.

"All right." Mello nodded. "But you didn't have sex with him, right?" he repeated, sounding concerned this time.

"No… Not again."

"Good." Mello's tone lightened considerably, and he gave Matt a warm smile. "I'm the only one who will ever have sex with you from now on. And you can bet your ass I'll make it good for you. Hell, I'll make you feel like you never have before. It'll be damn good, I promise."

Matt felt himself blush at the words, and groaned as they ignited his still-there desire once more, as he'd gone unsatisfied when he ran away from Near. Which meant that near had gone unsatisfied as well. But he pushed the thought to the back of his mind, reminding himself to chastise himself for it later, and to make it up to Near— without sex, obviously. He allowed himself to make _Mello_ happy, to be with the one he loved, to enjoy these moments while they lasted.

"Um… Wow. That's hot." Matt had no idea what to say to him; those words were too much, coming from Mello.

Mello just chuckled, wincing— he might have had a bruised rib; he didn't know. He needed an exam, or something.

As soon as the pain subsided, Mello looked to Matt with a smile. "You're cute when you're embarrassed."

"I'm not embarrassed."

"Come on. You're blushing. Of course you're embarrassed." Mello still just smiled. Matt could never be used to the expression on his face; it was just too unusual for him.

Matt seemed to turn a deeper shade of red. "So?"

"So get your ass down here and kiss me."

Matt grinned at the bluntness of Mello's request, leaning down and eventually kneeling on his knees beside the bed to catch Mello's lips in a quick kiss. Surprisingly, Mello pulled away first— well, due to his inability to move, Matt had to pull away once Mello stopped kissing him, but Mello signaled the end first— and grinned, slightly stupidly, up at him.

It was just like the old days, when they first met, and before Mello forced Matt away from Near. With just a kiss, everything was right with the world. They forgot all the evil taking place around them, all the death and mindless slaughter "for the sake of the world," and it was just the two of them, happy just to be with each other.

Matt inhaled slowly to calm himself down, before speaking. "Mels… I love you."

Mello just smiled back at him; Matt wondered if he would ever stop, and realized that he hoped he never did. "I know. I love you, too… And I'll prove it, as soon as I can."

The words made Matt's heart race. He'd never even heard Mello say that he loved him in years. He hadn't treated Matt this way since they were fourteen, before his rage towards Near made him bitter. Before he started drinking at every hour of the day.

That year, he abandoned Matt after L died, and when he finally found him last year, he had become an entirely different person.

But none of that mattered now. He'd finally gotten the man he fell in love with years ago back.

And he wasn't ever letting go.

"Mels… I think we should make sure there's nothing else wrong with you," Matt said after hearing Mello groan in pain as he tried to move closer to Matt. He'd never been the one to let out any expression of pain, of weakness.

Mello nodded. "Fine. You'll go ask for me, right? Seeing as how I can't move." It was meant to be slightly funny, a joke despite the circumstances, but Matt didn't find anything funny about Mello almost dying.

He simply nodded. "Of course. I'll only be a minute." This seemed to relax Mello, and Matt gripped Mello's head softly, leaning down to kiss his forehead gently. As he pulled away, he twisted a strand of his blonde hair.

Mello seemed to tense up as Matt left his side and walked towards the door.

"What's wrong?" Matt asked, sensing his apprehension. "You'll be fine. I'll only be gone a moment."

"But you're bringing _him_ with you. And that means we won't be alone anymore."

"When have you needed to be alone with me to pull any moves?" It was meant to be a joke, but Matt didn't even find it funny. He was reminded of how harshly Near would react if Mello even tried to kiss him in front of him.

Mello, however, did find it funny. "Good point."

Matt shook his head, smiling to himself regardless as he opened the door and stepped into the room he had left Near in minutes before.

A few moments before, Near had been sitting on the floor, doing his best to solve the problem at hand: how he would relieve himself of the problem Matt had left him with, the state he had been abandoned in. He simply wasn't used to this type of thing before.

Before he was able to work out a solution, the door opened, and Matt stepped inside.

"Yes?" Near asked, grateful for the distraction from his body's torture, yet still full of bitter loneliness for being rejected yet again, by Matt, for Mello's sake.

"Can you… See what else is wrong with Mello? Or at least give him painkillers… I've never heard any complaints from him about pain. Ever. But now he's not hiding it, and I can't stand to see him like this."

Near nodded blankly, still trying to kill all the emotions seeing Matt brought up. "Fine."

This was all just too much to handle. The man he loved was asking him to take care of _his_ boyfriend. The man he'd tried to have killed— half for Matt's sake, half for his own, to alleviate his rage towards the blonde. He was jealous of Mello— because he'd _had_ Matt, as often as he wanted He was angry at Mello— he'd taken Matt for granted and abused him, taking his body for himself, forcing himself on him, not even because he wanted Matt, but because he _could._ Because he wanted to prove that he was _better_.

That was why Near couldn't stand the man. But he would pretend that it didn't matter and put on his blank, emotionless mask, acting like he wanted to care for Mello— all for Matt's sake.

Mello grabbed Near's hand and pulled him up, leading him back to the makeshift hospital, where Mello lay on the bed. He didn't even protest Near's presence… Much.

Well, there was one bright side. Seeing Mello had taken care of his little _problem._

Mello said nothing, because he knew— and resented— that if Near wasn't taking care of him now, he would die. Granted, the sheep bastard was the reason he was in this predicament in the first place… But he knew not to refuse treatment. He may be proud, but he wasn't foolish enough to throw his life away for it. So, he threw his grudge for Near away, tucking it in the back of his mind— for now.

After all, they were still competing for Matt's affection, as they always had. And, as every other time before, Mello had won. For now.

Still, simply Near's presence caused him to grow wary and filled him with unease, though he remained silent, even as Near approached the bed. Mello was suddenly filled with fear as he realized he couldn't move, that he was completely at the mercy of the boy he'd tormented since they day he met him, since the he realized he had what he wanted— Matt.

The terror that filled him as he realized this was utterly indescribable. It shone on his face, like the black eye he'd given Near once… Or twice. That thought didn't help either. Matt sensed it, and moved to the side of the bed opposite Near, hoping to soothe him and calm him down— or at least distract him from Near.

"It'll be all right, Mels. Relax." He looked over to Near and asked, "Right?" to reassure them both.

Near picked up on this and nodded. "Right." He didn't trust himself to say much more. After so many years of numbing his emotions, of holding everything inside, he just felt like he was going to burst. He wouldn't be able to hold back a sarcastic, "You'll be back to having sex in _no_ time," much longer— his emotional capabilities were immature, not very well-developed, as he'd simply _stopped_ having emotions as a teenager. That burning, jealous part of him had only grown since then, yet he hadn't learned better control in those years. He hadn't learned to control it when Matt and Mello were around— he'd been busy solving cases, though he was unable to take the L name that was rightfully his, and doing anything to keep the thought of them _together_ out of his mind— and so, he didn't know how much more of this he could take.

"Where does it hurt?" Near resorted to playing doctor, trying to focus on the task at hand, to distract himself from his emotions.

"God damn everywhere, what do you think?" Mello answered, thinking he was clever. Matt tenderly cupped Mello's face in his hands, delicately twisting his neck so he could plant a kiss on his lips, stroking his hair softly with a loving look in his eyes and a smile, as he pulled away a moment later.

"It's all right, Mels. We'll help you."

Mello seemed to calm down upon hearing Matt's words, and as Near watched, he bitterly wondered if Matt would care for him the same way if he were sick. He forced the thought out of his mind, and struggled to focus on the task at hand— though Mello wasn't making it easy for him.

"Fine. I'll go get you some painkillers." Normally, Near would have had Roger do it for him, but now, he was eager for the excuse to leave the room.

"No. There's no way in Hell that I'm taking any drugs from you," Mello said from the bed. He still didn't trust Near— he knew that he was the one who'd tried to kill him in the first place. Using medication to kill him would be too simple.

"Mels… Relax." Mello's sudden mood swing confused Matt. How could he have been so sweet, so tender, with him, then turn into an entirely different person?

Mello shot a glare to Near, and that's when Matt realized that all of his anger was focused on Near— not him. He _was_ glad that it wasn't him making Mello angry, but he couldn't stand that his lover and best friend still couldn't get along.

"He won't hurt you, I'm sure of it." Matt looked to Near for confirmation, hope in his eyes as if he needed to plead for this, and he got a reluctant nod as a response. Matt smiled at put a hand in Mello's hair, stroking gently.

Mello calmed down visibly at the gesture, and Matt let out a relieved sigh.

"You see? I won't let anything happen to you, as long as I live."

"Promise?" He simply looked up to Matt, amazed that someone else could still care for him this way, especially after all his sins and wicked actions— many of which were directed at the unbelievably loyal redheaded man standing at his bedside.

"Promise," Matt replied, leaning in for a swift kiss on the lips.

Near simply watched jealously by the door, mind flashing back to the kisses he'd shared with Matt. No… It wasn't enough for him. But it was all he would get. He couldn't believe how much things had changed, in less than a day. Normally, he could have adjusted his plan to suit the circumstances, which he did while working on cases, but… This was Matt. And if he was going to have him, it wouldn't be through any sort of manipulation.

"Sheep? Quit staring. You're ruining the moment. Just leave and get the damn painkillers," Mello said, having pulled away from Matt long enough to criticize him.

Near withheld a retort and left the room, and, instead of slamming the door like he felt would have been appropriate, an action loyal to his emotions, he carefully shut it, and left to get Mello's medicine. All because Matt wanted him to.

"Thank God he's gone," Mello said as soon as the door closed.

Matt sighed, sitting next to Mello on the bed and stroking his hair. "I wish you wouldn't treat him so badly. He is my friend, after all."

Mello nodded, though he didn't exactly seem remorseful. "I'll never understand what you _like_ about that sheep."

Matt shook his head, reminding himself to pick his battles, and changed the subject. "Well… We're alone now."

_And naked,_ he thought with a grin as he kissed Mello again, wrapping his arms loosely and delicately, as to not hurt him by disturbing his wounds, around his midsection.

"Hm… Feeling dirty, are we, Matty?" Mello grinned deviously at him, trying not to tense up as Matt's arm brushed against one of his gashes.

"As always," Mello said, a naughty gleam in his eyes as he stroked the inside of Mello's thigh teasingly, smiling wickedly.

"Ah…" Mello let out a deep moan, but forced himself to grab Matt's hand before he could put it in _other_ places.

When the redhead looked at him, confused, Mello sighed and explained, "We can't."

"Why not?" Matt asked, sounding disappointed. He desperately needed Mello right now, after everything that had happened today. He needed his touch, his voice whispering softly in his ear— something. And he wanted to see that look of sheer pleasure on his face, the one thing he could offer to Mello at the moment. He wanted to hear the sounds he let out in the heat of the moment as he was being pleased. He wanted everything Mello's body had to offer, and he wanted to give all he had to the man.

"I know you. You'll just feel guilty the second he walks in and you look him in the eyes."

"Mels… I _want _you. Now."

Matt's tone was desperate. He'd had sex with Near twice— technically— that day, and here was the man he loved, and he hadn't even given him his body. He freed his hand from Mello's grasp and stroked his cock erect, knowing that he would want the pleasure Matt's body would give.

"Ah… Matt." He looked to the redhead, desire flashing in his eyes, along with… Restraint. Mello had never restrained himself before. Not once.

"Stop. Please."

"Why?" Matt pulled his hand away, regardless— Mello had said _please_, after all, which surprised Matt because he hadn't heard the man use the word before— though he still wanted more.

"The last time we had sex… It wasn't _right_. I _hurt_ you."

"It's all right. I've forgiven you. For everything." Matt only pulled him closer, instead of letting go. The memories flashed before his eyes, but all he wanted was to hold Mello close, regardless of what the man did to him previously.

"No, it isn't! It was wrong. So treat me the way I treated you. Make me hurt the way you did. I deserve it. I deserve the pain."

Mello had always been extreme, sometimes shocking Matt with what he said or did, but thus was just too much.

"Mello… No! I can't hurt you."

"It's what I deserve. If you want me… Fuck me hard, Matt."

Matt could never hurt him; this was simply too ridiculous. "Mello! I can't. I can't hurt you… I love you."

He had never been able to hurt anyone. He couldn't stand the thought of hurting the man he loved— and especially not on purpose. But… It was what he wanted.

"Please." He looked up at Matt, blue eyes wide and shining with desire, convincing him to do it.

He couldn't believe this. Mello was begging to be abused. That meant that Matt had no other choice than to do it— Mello got what he asked for, from Matt.

Taking a deep breath, Matt gingerly straddled the older male, watching him wince as pressure was applied to his wounds. He couldn't stand watching his pain. He hesitated, unable to go through with this.

"I can't hurt you, Mels…"

"I deserve it. Fuck me. Fuck me _hard._ Make me scream. Make me you bitch— do anything you want to me."

Though the words were unbelievable sexy to Matt, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Still, he forced himself to, knowing he had to do it for Mello. He grabbed Mello's legs— unable to find a spot free of wounds, his fingers dug into the gashes, and Mello, surprisingly, let out a grunt and a deep groan— and positioned himself to thrust in.

"I… Don't have any—"

"Just do it." Mello's voice was harsh; he couldn't wait any longer for it. He looked at Matt in the eyes, showing just how _serious_ he was about this. "Don't even make it good. At all."

"Are— are you sure?" The suggestion sounded ridiculous to Matt. Why was he begging for this? It was horrible.

"I'm sure." He didn't sound very patient. He was probably just waiting for Matt to finally _do_ it, to finally give him what he'd been asking for.

Matt nodded. He'd never been more nervous in his life. He took a deep breath, and thrust into Mello, unable to believe that this was actually _happening._

And Mello was met with pain. Glorious, all-consuming pain.

"Ah! Matt… More."

He craved the pain; it made him feel as if he was finally receiving what he deserved for his prior abusive behavior. The pain was the only way he could atone for his sins.

Matt, though he couldn't stand hurting Mello, did his best to be rough, though it wasn't in his nature. He had to give Mello what he wanted… Even if he could hardly stand the thought.

He suddenly realized he'd never topped Mello before. The experience was… Different. It was Hell to know that Mello's body was giving him so much pleasure, yet he wasn't giving any at all— by _choice. _But he forced himself to remember that he _was _getting pleasure out of this, but it would be emotional, from knowing he was getting exactly what he deserved, rather than physical like Matt's.

"Harder, Matt… Make me bleed," Mello cried after Matt thrust in again. It was obvious that Matt was still being extremely gentle and careful with his body, although he'd been told not to.

"No!" Matt may have been doing his best to hurt— and, hopefully, simultaneously please— Mello, but he had boundaries. He couldn't do that to him. Wasn't love about doing everything in your power to ensure that your lover wasn't hurt in any way? He wouldn't— _couldn't_— lose himself in the sense of control, of having complete domination over his once-abusive lover. He couldn't hurt him that badly… Could he? He was begging him to.

"Come on… Do it. Just do it as roughly as you possibly can," he guided. He wanted to give Matt the same thing he had taken. To do that, he needed to _bleed._ He looked up to Matt, begging, Begging to be abused, with such a needy expression on his face that Matt couldn't deny him.

He did as Mello said and thrust in as roughly as he could, groaning from the effort. Mello let out a rather loud, pained groan, looking up to Matt with lust burning in his eyes.

"Ah… Ah, God, Matt… Just like that."

He had never known that Mello could be so masochistic. He took the sounds as encouragement and repeated the action, grunting as he did so.

Mello groaned— watching his face twist in a mix of intense pain and pure pleasure, and hearing the groans, Matt couldn't stop obeying his orders.

"That's it… More." The pain was delightful. He could feel the sensation in his entire body; Matt clawed at his wounds, albeit carefully, nibbled at his neck, and kept thrusting into Mello as roughly as he could in his attempt to please him.

And please him he did. Mello arched his back, only causing himself more pain, making him groan yet again.

"Ah, Matt… It hurts… So good…"

Matt thrust in once more and came, groaning. Out of exhaustion— he'd only topped three times, all of which today, and never this roughly— he collapsed on top of Mello, not caring about his wounds at this point, since he admitted to _wanting_ the pain, and panted, wrapping his arms around the blonde.

After his ability to think returned, Matt felt guilty for simply _taking_ the pleasure away, without giving any in return. Mello didn't cum with him.

"Mels…" he breathed heavily, still recovering from the exertion, and coming down from his high. "I can get hard again… I need to please you."

He doubted the truth of the statement. His cock was starting to get sore— he'd gone through months of denial, and now he'd had sex three times in one day. Still, this wouldn't be _for_ him; it was for Mello.

"Matt… Don't bother. I never treated you this well. I ignored your needs, your desires— ignore mine." Mello secretly liked the feeling— he'd always commanded others to satisfy him. Always. Now, when he knew he wouldn't get any pleasure out of something, he felt _good. _He decided he liked the pain, too— it was like a kinky new roleplay.

"Let me suffer, like I deserve." Mello worked for everything. He took anything he wanted, so long as he _worked_ for it. He would never beg.

"I've already hurt you enough." He pulled out of Mello, and, leaning over him, looked at him in the eyes and inspected his body, hoping that he wasn't hurt too badly. "I want to make you feel _good _now. I can't do any more— holy…"

Matt's gaze was fixed between Mello's legs, shocked by what he saw. "Damn, you're… Bleeding."

This wasn't right. He couldn't have hurt him that much, even if it was what Mello had been asking for. It wasn't right to hurt him that badly.

"It's what I deserve, Matt."

Matt shook his head. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes, but he blinked them away as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "No one deserves this."

"Matt… Don't cry." He wiped the tears from Matt's eyes, the sadness infecting him as well just from looking at him this way. "I need to suffer, not you."

"No! Mels, you don't. Never make me hurt you like that again." He felt sick to his stomach from the guilt. He pulled Mello close to him and into an embrace, letting one hand stroke his hair gently.

"Matt… I _used_ you. I treated you like shit, abused you, and hurt you so badly that I can't stand to think about it. How can you not want revenge for it? How are you such a great man…? I don't deserve any of this."

Mello rested his head on Matt's shoulder, groaning as he sat up— his entire body was sore, especially after their most recent actions— and he wrapped his arms around Matt's bare waist.

"Because I love you… And I just want to be with you no matter what."

Mello just couldn't believe it. After all he'd done, how he'd scarred Matt in invisible ways that he would most likely carry around with him for the rest of his life, he was simply… Forgiven?  
Matt had granted his wish, and treated him far better than he expected— than he deserved. It was time to return the favor— it was long overdue; Matt had been so loyal to him, for their entire relationship, regardless of how he'd been treated.

"I'll be with you… We can start over. We can be happy together."

The look on Matt's face was priceless. Mello wouldn't trade it for the world, or even for his own life. Just knowing Matt was happy was enough for him. It filled Mello with pure bliss, something he hadn't felt in years— not until now, after his recent reunion with Matt and his forced sobriety, did he realize just how much he missed the feeling.

"Let's start right now." If Mello weren't injured, Matt would have held him closer and wrapped his arms around him tighter and never let go.

"Let's go back to the beginning."

Mello squeezed Matt's body tighter, apparently thinking the same type of thoughts as Matt.

"Remember when we first met?" Matt asked after a few moments of silent thought, obviously having been reminiscing about the days they formed their relationship.

"Of course." Mello smiled. No matter what, he would always remember his first words to the man: "I'm Mello. I live here, now. Stay out of my stuff or I'll punch you."

To which Matt had responded, "I like your attitude. I'll guard it with my life," and given him a fake salute, grinning like an idiot.

Mello sighed, smiling back at Matt, laughing softly— he'd learned the hard way that laughing hurt his wounds. "You were such a nerd."

"I still am. Do you have a problem with that?" He mocked offense at the statement, though he did so with a smile on his face.

"Of course not. It's why I fell in love with you." He smiled again, and leaned in to kiss Matt. His fingers brushed against Mello's still-erect cock, and the blonde groaned as he did so.

"Matt…?"

"Do you want it?" Matt looked him in the eyes, not wanting to do anything that would make Mello uncomfortable.

But Mello wasn't uncomfortable with it. After they'd agreed to put all the things that happened behind them and restart their relationship, he just felt a desire to be close to Matt. He was relieved that he had been forgiven, yet he would continue to do his best to make up for his actions every day.

So, when Matt asked the question, he nodded yes, feeling no guilt for accepting the pleasure this time, knowing that he would make Matt feel twice as good as he made him feel.

With no hesitation, Matt smiled at Mello one more time and took him into his mouth eagerly, listening as Mello let out his low moans.

"Ah… Matt…"

Matt was only happy to please, especially after only offering pain a few minutes ago. Just after Mello threw his head back, moaning loudly, the sound making desire flood Matt's entire body once more, Matt swallowed and looked up to Mello, wanting to see the expression of guiltless pleasure on his face.

He looked beautiful, with his eyes half-shut and his mouth agate. A faint blush covered his cheeks, and he breathed heavily.

"Matt… I love you." He was making up for lost time, telling Matt he loved him as often as he could, just so that he could be sure he knew.

"Love you, too, Mels." He was still in shock at the words— he'd never heard Mello say them before. He wouldn't give this moment up for anything.

But, of course, it wouldn't last. At that moment, Near opened the door, not even bothering to knock, with a bottle of pills and a glass of water in his hand. Guiltily, Mat removed his arms from around Mello's wais, looking at Near and seeing the jealous look burning in his eyes. He couldn't stand seeing it, yet he didn't push Mello away, allowing him to lean on him with his arms around his waist.

"Here are your painkillers, Mello." He set them down on a table by the bed, fighting to restrain swears that flashed in his mind when he looked at Mello holding Matt.

"Come find me if there's anything else you need." He took one last look at Matt, who nodded to show that he would, and left, heading to his room to clear his mind by playing with his robots or cards. He'd find something to do to distract himself.

Matt did his best to forget the suffering on his friend's face, and simply grabbed the bottle of pulls and the water, and gave them to Mello. He helped him sit up, wrapping an arm around his waist for balance. Purely balance.

He watched at Mello popped open the lid and removed two pills, popping them into his mouth and washing them down with water. He handed the now-empty glass and pill bottle to Matt, who set them down on the table.

And he wrapped his arms around Mello, knowing that he had almost been caught, and found comfort, knowing that he felt safer there, in Mello's arms, than anywhere else.

_**A/N: So, today I figured out what I want to happen, out of two choices. It wouldn't make a difference plot-wise, it just adds to all the angst and complications.**_

_**Well. I think I found a nice mix of angst and fluff in this chapter. (: The next chapter's pretty short, compared to this— remember what I said about short chapter, long chapter, short chapter? XD Anyway, I'm glad you guys like this, since it's only the second angst fic I've written. **_

_**Reviews? Let me know that I didn't fail? 3 **_


	8. Fair

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_**A/N: Forgive me if I can't write as Near. I've never tried, and angsty-Near is probably more difficult, so… Forgive me. T_T **_

_**Also, it's Light's deathday anniversary. Happy decomposing, Light. 3 (Yes, I'm a Light fangirl who likes Matt/Mello. Nothing unusual about that…)**_

Fair

Near simply couldn't concentrate. He couldn't keep his hands still long enough to build a tower of dice, or a tower of cards. And when he did manage to make one, it wasn't perfectly aligned like the others he'd always been able to make. He did it to calm down, but now, he was simply too distracted.

He worried about Matt. Sure, Mello hadn't hit him again. They'd been closer than they ever had, as he gathered from Matt's story he told when he first arrived. But one day without violence wasn't much, especially when Mello couldn't even move.

As Mello healed, he would need to stay— he would have no choice. Near could watch him, making sure he kept his hands off of Matt. At least, in a violent way— he wouldn't keep them romantically separated. Even if he _could, _it would only hurt Matt. But he desperately wanted Mello to stay away from him— both out of jealousy, and fury at what he'd done to the man he loved.

He growled and knocked over the tiny tower of dice he had managed to build, watching them all fall to the floor, hearing them clatter as they fell. He bit his tongue, still keeping in all the swears and threats in his mind, though nobody would even have heard him. It would have been so _easy_ to kill Mello with the pills, but then Matt would have had to watch him die, and that wouldn't make him want Near. It was cruel, in fact.

He couldn't believe this. He'd never been angry his entire life— he couldn't recall the emotion, though he remembered his entire life from the age of three. This was completely new to him. It was as if someone had replaced his blood with molten steel. It was _burning._ He had to fight to keep control. His heartbeat quickened, and he breathed heavily as he struggled to contain himself. He only wanted to hurt the bastard who had taken Matt _just_ when he'd had him as his— finally had him, for the first time. It meant so much to him, and Mello didn't even _care. _He was so _selfish._

Then again, they both were. Near wanted Matt, regardless of if Matt wanted him as well. He wouldn't force himself on him, but he couldn't get _enough_ of him. And the fantasies of _more_ were selfish. He imagined Matt's arms wrapped around him, protecting him although Matt was the one who needed to be protected. From Mello.

But Mello was the one he wanted, so Near had to stay away. Even though Mello was the one killing him. The thought of sex with him had made Matt cry— he couldn't force him to stay with him after that. He needed to leave him alone, to let him be with Mello. But he hadn't been alone in a month— he'd always stayed with Matt since he arrived.

So he left him alone, like he wanted. If he cried when he thought about sex with him, Near would let him go, to stay with Mello. He wouldn't force him to be unfaithful. Matt could have sex with Mello, do anything to him, if he wanted. Even if it killed Near, he wanted Matt to be happy. No matter what.

Though he was slightly calmer, he couldn't help but think how unfair it all was. Of course, he knew it was irrational— life wasn't fair for anyone. But ever since they met, Near had been there for him, quick to help him with anything he wanted. Anything at all. He had pretended to be nothing more than a friend, but he had been there regardless.

Mello had manipulated him to bully his best friend, who had previously been the only one to care for him. He'd done it out of selfishness, his own personal grudge against him. That much was simple enough to figure out. Then Mello had left behind, a mess, unable to concentrate on anything at all. And just when Near was able to pick up the pieces, fixing his shattered heart while miraculously not taking advantage of him, he just went back to Mello's side, to get abused in every way possible.

But then again, at least Mello was obvious about his selfishness. Near hadn't even admitted his love for Matt until a month ago. He'd spent over ten years silent, in order to hide his secret. Mello had made his move, jumped on the chance, as soon as he realized what he wanted. Maybe it was his own fault, for staying silent and cautious, that he didn't have Matt.

He didn't even deserve him. Nobody did. He deserved so much better than either of them. But if he was happy, Near would let it slide. Even though if Matt had to choose between them, Near was obviously the better choice for him, having never done anything to harm him.

Less angry now— but still in no emotional state for anything; what was wrong with him?— he tried to start a new tower. Unable to do as such, when uncontrollable sobs wracked his body, he sighed, wiped his eyes, and grabbed his robots.

He laid on his stomach on the floor, a more comfortable position for him. He made believe that one was him and the other was Matt, and together they killed Mello. Afterward, they had sex, of course.

It brought a smile to his face, but it wasn't a comforting thought. This was so childish, to act out a scenario with toys. He hadn't cared about this before, but his jealous mind was pointing out all of Mello's good points— or how he made Matt happier than him, since Near didn't know if Mello had _any_ good points, with the way he was able to abuse Matt— and all of his flaws. He just didn't know what to do right then.

After Near had left, Matt wondered if he would be all right. But he looked to the man on the bed, looking up at him with a needy expression.

"It's been a long day, do you want to sleep?" Matt asked, stroking his hair and leaning in for a kiss.

Mello nodded, pulling away as he wrapped his arms around Matt's body to pull him closer. It didn't hurt much when he disturbed his wounds— the pills had already taken effect.

"Okay." Matt lay down beside him, wrapping his arms around him gently after he had done so. "I love you, Mels."

Mello allowed Matt to wiggle closer, to hold on to him tighter, though it pained him slightly. He was grateful for the warmth of another body— especially Matt's.

"I love you too, Matt." He closed his eyes and prayed for sleep, prayed that he would forget he was at _Near's_ house, half-dead, prayed that he one day forget and be forgiven for the pain he had caused Matt. He simply focused on the fact that he was with _Matt_ now, and would be the one protecting him, instead of the one he needed protection from. They were both safe now.

_**A/N: Bleh. Short chapter. The end is just so… Argh. Cliché, maybe. It seems like everyone's out of character, and it frustrates me. Especially Mello, since it's not my first time writing as him. And, well… The next chapter's not much longer. But it's important. And it should be up soon. (:**_

_**Reviews give me faith for the people of the Internet? XD /shot**_


	9. Seduction

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_**A/N: Suspense, this time. :D Oooooh, drama… Just wait. XD**_

Seduction

The next day, when Matt awoke, he was temporarily confused. He didn't know who the man he was cuddling with was— he could tell that he was taller than Near, and had a tighter grasp on his body— but he couldn't remember who exactly it was, until he opened his eyes.

Upon seeing Mello, his heat beat faster, but he said nothing, knowing that Mello was still asleep, and he didn't want to wake the man sleeping so peacefully beside him, who had his arms wrapped around his waist still. He didn't even move, fearing that he would wake.

Matt watched Mello as he slept, startled as he mumbled something incoherently and pulled Matt closer, using his chest as a pillow. Matt thought this was just so unusually cute, for the blonde to subconsciously want to be close to Matt. He looked down at him, smiling to himself, restraining himself from touching him, as even a small touch may have woken him up.

But Mello grunted when he shifted his position, and his eyes flittered open shortly after. Matt placed a hand on his lower back as he stirred, not fully awake yet.

"Matt…?" The blonde mumbled sleepily as his eyes, still half-closed, saw the flashes of red hair and green eyes, but couldn't focus enough to be quite sure.

"Good morning." He pulled Mello up, letting him hold on to his back for balance.

Matt wrapped his arms around Mello and kissed him on the lips, still grateful to have him back— and in his arms for the first time. It was a new feeling. Mello had never allowed such a gentle touch before.

"I love you, Matt…" His voice was still slightly-slurred, since he was still a bit sluggish, as he had just woken up.

Knowing that Mello really _meant_ the words, as he obviously didn't have that much control over his thoughts and words at the moment, made him smile. It also explained why he slept in a separate room from Matt in their old apartment: Mello most likely saw his lack of control in the mornings as a sign of weakness. Matt, however, found it incredibly, almost unbearably, cute.

"Love you, too, Mels." He grinned, pulling the blonde closer to him, his warm body radiating heat to Matt's, for which he was grateful— it _was_ winter, after all.

"Can I ask you something?" He ran his fingers through Mello's messy-from-sleep (and the day before, obviously) blonde hair.

"Sure." Mello was mostly awake now, the changes in position forcing him to wake up, though he was still groggy.

"Well… Why didn't you tell me you loved me until now?" He didn't want to ask, just in case it brought up bad memories, but he needed to know. It had been eating at his mind since Mello first told him that he loved him.

Mello paused, thinking about his answer. "Well… I didn't know how. There wasn't a good moment."

Matt nodded, hesitant to ask his next question. "Why did you… Hit me?" He feared Mello would get angry as the words left his lips, and he still waited for abuse for a few seconds after.

But, thankfully, it never came. "I didn't want you to leave me. I wanted you to be _mine._"

Matt's eyes widened at this. He'd… Never wanted to _hurt_ him. All Mello had wanted was for him to stay. He was once again wracked with guilt for leaving, though from leaving, he had gotten everything he'd ever wanted from Mello. Here he was, holding Mello like he'd always desired, ever since he met the man. They had completely renewed their relationship.

"I am yours. Forever." He didn't say anything else, and simply held on to Mello.

There was a hesitant knock on the door, and Matt turned his head to the door as it opened, revealing Near standing kind of awkwardly at the door, most likely due to Mello's presence.

"What is it?" He tilted his head, looking at Near with a confused look on his face, with Mello still wrapping his arms around him, and with one of his own arms still hooked around Mello's waist.

"You don't know what day it is?" Near seemed shocked at this.

"No. Am I supposed to?" Matt was genuinely confused at this point. He just got a tender moment with Mello interrupted, and was now being interrogated?

"It's your birthday."

"Oh." Matt had been so caught up in what had been happening lately that he completely forgot about his upcoming birthday. He leaned into Mello affectionately, smiling up at him. "You're the best birthday present ever."

Near wished he could have given Matt safety— that was compromised by Mello's arrival. But if that was what matt wanted… So be it. He had his own idea for a present, and even if it _was _slightly selfish, he would try to give it to him. But it had to be in private, to ensure that Mello would never find out.

"Matt, do you want to receive your present from me?"

Mello didn't trust him. "Go bring it here. I don't want you pulling any tricks on _my_ Matty." He pulled Matt into his chest protectively and ran his fingers through the red hair as he glared at Near.

This entire thing was backwards. It should have been _Near_ protecting him from _Mello, _not the other way around. Near thought of a quick way to get around Mello's skepticism.

"It's impossible to move. He has to come with me."

Mello shook his head, his glare not lightening in the slightest. In fact, it seemed to increase in intensity.

"Take _me_ with you, then," Mello said forcefully. He had to be sure that Near wouldn't try anything with Matt.

Near shook his head, the next words coming easily to him. After all, they weren't a lie. "If you exert yourself any more than you have, your lacerations will open again, and you _will_ die."

"I don't care." He strengthened his grip on Matt and kept his determined gaze on Near.

"Mels...?" Matt placed delicate, quick kisses down his jaw and neck. "Don't die," he said, and as Mello looked down into his eyes, shining with tears at the thought of Mello dying—because of _him,_ no less— he quickly moved in for a quick peck on the lips, pulling away smiling, returning to his prior position in Mello's arms.

"I'll just be right back. Nothing will happen, I promise."

As Mello saw in his eyes that he told the truth, he nodded and loosened his grip on Matt's body, then let go of him completely.

"Be careful."

Matt nodded, removing his arms from Mello's waist and stepping off the bed and walking towards Near, who, unlike him and Mello, was fully dressed.

Near led Matt upstairs, into his room— where Matt has slept every night until the day prior— and shut to door. Matt looked around the room, trying to figure out where and what his present was.

When he couldn't, he asked, "Near… Where's my present?"

He looked around the room once more, confused. He still couldn't find anything that resembled a present. Then again, he must have hidden it quite well, since Matt spent a lot of his time in here until recently.

"I am your present, Matt," Near answered calmly.

As Matt's eyes widened in shock— and complete, utter confusion— Near's hands flew to the buttons on his shirt, which he proceeded to unbutton slowly, seemingly in an effort to tease Matt into arousal.

"What?" The word was all Matt could think to say.

"I'm your present. Use me however you want. Test out a fetish you don't want Mello to know about. Bite me, hit me— do anything you want. I'm yours."

The mention of Mello's name and the thought of using violence sickened him. He couldn't believe that Near was trying to get him to have sex, that he was coming in between Mello and him.

The third button was undone, and more of Near's chest was revealed. Despite everything, Matt stared, feeling disgusted with himself for doing so. This couldn't happen. No. He wouldn't have sex with Near. He _couldn't_ have sex with Near. Not again.

The shirt fell to the floor, and Matt was left staring, dazed, at his friend's body. He had never stared at his body this way, so shamelessly, before. He wasn't well-built and tanned like Mello, but still, there wasn't a trace of fat on his body. He wasn't _displeasing_ to look at.

No, damnit, no! He wouldn't have sex with Near.

Near laid down on the bed, spreading his legs out indecently in an attempt to entice him. Thankfully, his pants were still on; Matt didn't think he could have resisted had he been purely exposed.

Matt wondered if he was being unfair. Near _was_ his present, after all. It was rude to refuse. But he hoped that his pants would stay on, so he could keep his control.

"Matt? Don't you want me? You look awfully stressed…" He pulled his pants down a few inches using his thumb, revealing his erection to Matt. Was he… _Turned on_ by this? Just who was this meant to please?

Well, either way… It was impolite to refuse a gift. It if was just mindless sex, Mello shouldn't be too jealous… _If _he found out. It meant that Matt didn't care for Near more than him.

Not to say he wouldn't feel guilty after, but… Hell, the younger man looked so needy on the bed, slowly revealing his hard cock and exposing his pale flesh, his body begging wordlessly for him, to be satisfied.

Matt walked over to the bed and straddled the man, slightly glad that he _wasn't_ having sex with Mello— he wasn't injured, so he didn't groan from the pressure and weight applied to his wounds.

Near looked so _fragile_ beneath him, so innocent yet so _hot_ and full of desire. Matt slipped off Near's pants, from their location on his thighs, pulled down in such a way that his cock was exposed. He didn't wear boxers, surprisingly— it seemed as if Matt had corrupted the man, though he was still so inexperienced, and it was almost sexy how he tried to turn Matt on by trying to be naughty. Near's face flushed a deeper shade of red as his pants were removed and he lay completely naked underneath Matt.

Matt dropped the pants to the floor, and, for the moment, simply stayed positioned on top of Near, hands on the bed to support his weight, in order to keep it off of Near's fragile, delicate-looking body. Matt reached for the lube, conveniently placed on Near's bedside table; this was obviously planned. He shrugged the thought away and squirted some on his fingers before placing it back in its previous location.

Before inserting his fingers to get Near ready to take him, he leaned down to kiss him, treating him gently as if he would break.

He would accept Near's gift, and, at the same time, make it up to him for leaving him unfulfilled the other day. And then that would be it, and he would only be with Mello.

As he pulled his fingers out when Near was ready, the smaller man let out a whine. But as Matt replaced his fingers with his cock, thrusting in gently, being exceptionally careful with him, so as to not repeat his experience with Mello, Near inhaled sharply, knowing that Matt would make him feel better in a few moments.

Hearing Matt's groan as he pushed into Near's body and seeing the look of pleasure on his face was enough for Near, for the moment. He could deal with the pain, as long as he knew Matt was happy.

Matt increased the speed of his thrusts, hearing his soft moans as he changed the angle of his thrusts to please him.

Minutes after this, with the only sounds filling the room Matt's breathing and Near's rather cute, quiet moans as Matt pleased him, Near let out a loud moan and came on his chest, pulling Matt closer to him instinctually. After a few more thrusts, Matt met his own climax and came inside Near with a groan. Panting, he climbed off of Near and lay beside him on the bed, simply looking at his flushed face. Near looked back at him, smiling.

"Did you enjoy your present?" he asked.

Matt nodded. Near's body was so… Warm, so inviting. He felt no guilt for _what _he did, like with Mello the night before— he forced himself to forget, remembering that it was all behind them now— but rather, _who _he'd done it with. Still, it had felt _good, _regardless, and he still felt guilty for that. He was such a… Whore. A slut.

"If you want more…" Near started, pausing to wait to see if Matt would say yes, but he watched the redhead shake his head.

"I can't do that again."

"But… Why?" Near knew the answer, but he had to hear it from Matt himself. He didn't trust his own subconscious when it came to this man.

"I just… Can't. You're not Mello," he said, picking out a pair of clothes, presumably to change into after a shower, and walked out the door without saying another word. The door clicked shut at the precise moment Near's heart shattered to pieces, knowing he would never be with Matt again.

_** A/N: I have the rest of the story planned out, now. So sad. I almost don't want to finish writing it… But I know I can't keep writing it forever. I have chapter eleven almost done. Ten's about the same length as this… But it's important. (: This is so different from what I had planned originally, but I like it more. Tell me what you think? (That's code for review. Heh.) 3**_


	10. Impulse

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_** A/N: Sorry, you guys. Schoolwork, friends, and babysitting are really taking their toll on me. And since I have some special circumstances, I can't really write or do anything while babysitting, since I'm never actually alone. But anyway. Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it. It's a major turning point, let's just say that. **_

Impulse

Over the next few weeks, Mello's body healed quite well. His cuts healed, transforming into scars that even now were barely there. He didn't complain about pain anymore— it was virtually gone, now, aside from the occasional ache, but it wasn't nearly as painful as what it had been before.

True to his word— and much to Near's disappointment, though he didn't make it obvious to either of them— Matt didn't have sex with Near again. He didn't even _kiss_ him again. Mello had, once more, taken complete control over his life.

Matt had only had sex with Mello a few more times, not wanting to hurt him again. He would only offer pain when is he topped, from putting pressure on his wounds, and if Mello topped him like usual, he would put too much strain on his body, so he wasn't allowed to do that. But he did please Mello whenever he wanted, sometimes offering a blowjob instead, since he didn't want to hurt him at all, and no matter how many times he said it, Matt just didn't believe it didn't hurt when he applied the necessary pressure to Mello's body. He wanted Mello to feel _good, _despite the pain he was in.

Currently, it was mid-March. Mello was now well enough to roam the house, though Matt did his best to stay close to him, as he had his moments when he lost balance, since he was still recovering and regaining his balance— he'd gone weeks without walking, and, though he was almost accustomed to it once more, he still had difficulty sometimes.

Mello didn't like when Matt hung out with Near alone. He got jealous and sometimes eavesdropped near the door, if he couldn't join. He could always have simply picked the lock, but he _did_ respect Matt's privacy… Somewhat.

But what Matt and Near were doing now was not of importance or interest to Mello. They were simply playing with robots together, like they would when they were younger. Back then, Matt would make sound effects, flying around his robot making "woosh"-ing noises, or laser sounds if he decided his robot and Near's were enemies. Near had always smiled whenever he heard it, thinking that it was just the cutest thing in the world. Of course, he thought that Matt in general was the cutest thing in the world.

They were laying side to side, so close that they were touching, and though Matt didn't seem bothered by it, Near found it hard to ignore the warm body of the man beside him, occasionally feeling his heartbeat or breathing, from their closeness. Matt ruined his head towards Near and flew his robot around Near's.

"Zzzzzhooommm…"

Near laughed, and it was as if they were children again, the sound taking them back to a simpler time. Near met Matt's eyes, looking at his vivid, vibrant green irises, and his childlike grin, wide and showing off all his teeth.

He wrapped an arm around Matt, instinctually pulling him closer, reacting only to the feeling of happiness he hadn't known for a long time in his heart. Before they even knew it, as if their actions were pure instinct, their lips met, and they wrapped their arms around each other. Near bit at Matt's lip to deepen the kiss, and it didn't register in his mind as _wrong_ until a moment later, when he had already slipped his tongue into his mouth. Shamefully, he pushed Matt away, unable to believe what he'd just done on pure impulse. Matt belonged to Mello… Not him.

"Matt, I…"

"…Near…" He was bewildered, having no idea how he should react. He loosened his grip on Near's body, and eventually pulled away altogether.

"I…"

Confused, he just grabbed Near again and pulled him closer, pressing their lips together once more, but Near pulled away again.

"We can't be doing this again. I know you don't want this."

Matt intertwined his fingers with Near's, burying his other hand in his hair. "But you do."

Truth be told, Matt didn't know who had leaned in first, didn't know who started the kiss. It was simply the two of them, lost in the moment, not knowing what to do, simply reacting to each other.

Matt was on top of Near at this point, and he ground his crotch onto Near's, eliciting a soft, hesitant moan.

"Matt, we're not…"

Matt did it again, not even sure what he was doing anymore, and Near let out another weak moan.

His voice shook, and had little force behind it. "Not… Having sex."

Matt nodded and rolled off of Near, taking a deep breath and stared at the ceiling, trying to calm himself out of arousal.

"Matt…?" The voice was shocked, harsh with betrayal, and seemed hesitant to even speak.

Worst of all, it wasn't Near's.

His eyes widened and he looked to the doorway, where Mello stood. Matt would never forget the look of horror on his face, or the stabbing pain of guilt in his heart as he saw it, knowing that it was _his_ fault that Mello felt this way.

His voice shook, as he asked the question he already knew the answer to. "H-how long have you been there?" He already knew the answer, from the way Mello looked.

"Long enough." Tears welled up in his eyes, which only made Matt guiltier— Mello _never_ cried. He never showed any emotion other than anger, determination, or, recently, love. But now he was— though he was fighting it— about to cry, and Matt was to blame.

"How _could_ you?" It was directed at Matt, and, from the sound of his voice, he wouldn't be able to keep the tears back much longer. "With _him?" _

He pointed to Near, anger temporarily flaring up in his eyes as he did so, making Matt worry about being hit. Sure, it had been months, and he had forgiven Mello. But it wasn't a fear that it was easy to overcome and just forget about.

"It just… I didn't, he… I didn't mean to," Matt cried, unsure of what to say. His argument was weak, and it justified nothing. He honestly _didn't_ know what happened. He didn't know what force took hold of him, what possessed him to do such a thing.

"You obviously did it before. He said "again." Have you two… Been going behind my back? I've been right here for you the whole time." Unable to contain them any longer, a few tears leaked from his eyes, and he tried to shake them away. "Am I not enough for you?"

"You are enough. But I'm afraid I'll hurt you again." After the night Mello had asked for abuse, he was afraid it would happen again.

"When? How often?" Mello had regained some of his composure, and the tears had stopped. They still shimmered in his eyes for a moment longer before he wiped them away.

As Matt tried his best to think of an answer—and still failed to manage it—Near opened his mouth to speak, knowing Mello would place the blame on him instead of Matt.

"Back in February. I was his present. I told him to take me, if he wanted." He didn't care if Mello hated him. He was used to it, after all, since the man had shown his hatred since the moment they met. Mello taking his anger out on Near was far preferable than him abusing Matt. Matt had gone through enough abuse by Mello's hand.

Besides, he spoke the truth, which was why he didn't want Matt to tell him. Mello was still unstable—that hadn't changed one bit. Rage flashed in Mello's eyes, yet this time, it wasn't only momentarily.

"How could you? He didn't know any better!"

"He can think for himself, Mello." Unlike Mello, Near was still perfectly rational, and spoke calmly.

"I know that! He's smarter than he lets on. He's… He's amazing, unlike you, and you took advantage of his kindness, his selflessness…" Mello's voice trailed off, as the shock of Matt' betrayal struck yet again.

Matt had no idea what to do. He was used to Mello saying how much he hated Near, but this was different. They were actually fighting, and Near wasn't just agreeing to try to stop him. Though he delivered the words calmly, they were still meant to aggravate Mello further. They fought over _him,_ no less. He was scared, and didn't know who to side with. He stayed silent, trying to avoid notice and forget that he had caused both men so much pain.

"Fine. Maybe I did take advantage of him. But you know, you did, too. When I did, do you know what I gave him? I gave him an orgasm. I made him feel pleasure. Just what did you do, Mello? You gave him bruises, burns, made him _bleed,_ and scarred him permanently. I'd say you are the one who took advantage of him." Near's own words, though delivered calmly, shocked him. He'd never said anything so devastating before, and especially not to Mello. He didn't know what the repercussions might be.

"Don't talk about him like that! He's a great man, and… I…" Matt started, but his voice trailed off.

Mello looked down at him, curious about what he was saying. It gave Matt, who had also been surprised at his own voice, the courage to continue.

"I love him, and I'm sorry." He looked up at Mello with the most heart wrenching, wide-eyed look, vibrant green eyes simply begging for forgiveness, like a puppy who had been hit.

"Matt, I'm leaving."

The words devastated Matt. He couldn't believe what he had heard, couldn't understand why his voice had suddenly sounded so cold. Mello was leaving him for this? He didn't even mean to do it.

_Please don't go,_ he begged inside his mind, tears welling up in his eyes.

Mello stepped out of the doorway and over to matt, who sat upon his knees to look up at him, and extended an arm down to Matt. "Come with me," he said, and Matt's eyes brightened. He _had_ to go with Mello. He couldn't bear the thought of _not_ going.

Matt took his hand and allowed Mello to pull him to his feet. "Yes," Matt agreed immediately, approaching the door hand-in-hand with Mello.

"Don't go," Near said, looking up at both of them from the floor. He knew, with absolute certainty, that he wouldn't be able to speak with or see Matt again if he was with Mello, and he wouldn't be able to stand that, after months of living with him. He had only just gotten over Matt leaving him for Mello the first time; he couldn't stand it if it happened again.

"I have to." Mello tugged on his arm gently, signaling that it was time to leave. Matt obeyed and turned his back on Near, secretly glad that he wouldn't see the pained, brokenhearted expression on his face. It would be too painful to look at.

"Wait." Near stood up and followed them to the front door, clutching the two robots they had played with earlier in his hands, reaching them just as they were about to step out. Ironically enough, the robots were the same ones they had played with as children—that Matt had brought to Wammy's when he arrived, and given to Near when he left in pursuit of Mello.

"Take these with you to remember me, if you want to." He held out both robots, but Matt didn't accept them right away.

Instead, he looked to Mello. "Can I?"

Though Mello looked displeased, he sighed and nodded. "Yes."

It brought a large smile to Matt's face, and he accepted them from Near, holding them with one arm pressing them to his chest, keeping them close to his heart, while his other hand grasped Mello's.

To be truthful, Near just didn't want to remember the days of innocence associated with the robots any longer. Matt had changed too greatly, and knowing that just hurt his heart. Matt had been forced to change, and if he hadn't, he would still be the same. He would still be Near's best friend, possibly more.

Near wanted nothing more than to be seven or eight again, still mourning the loss of his parents, yet playing with Matt innocently, as they would before Mello arrived, when he was ten, complicating their entire lives. Those robots were from _before_ those days, and thus brought back mixed emotions.

Near couldn't stand that Matt had to ask Mello to keep them. He'd never done anything like that before Mello came into his life. He never had to beg for anyone else's approval.

"Say goodbye, Matt," Mello said, not in a rude way, but it still made Near angry. Matt was leaving—possibly forever—and Near was interrupting their (possibly) final goodbye.

"Good bye." Depression was evident in his tone, yet he didn't show it in his eyes like it did when he thought Mello was leaving. It was almost funny, how Matt was the affectionate one, yet Near was obviously the more sad of the two at the moment. He was the one who couldn't hold back the tears shimmering in his eyes.

He wanted to kiss Matt goodbye, but knowing how Mello would react, he couldn't. He was angry enough as it was. So, though it killed him that he didn't know if they would even speak to each other again, he simply said, "Good bye."

He didn't allow any of his tears to fall—he didn't want Matt's (possibly) last memory of him to be of him crying.

Mello tugged on Matt's wrist once more, and, as he watched them walk out, he didn't even try to stop them this time. He knew Matt would have made up his mind. He knew Matt loved Mello more than him and wanted to be with the blonde more than him. He would respect Matt's decision.

And so, he watched them until their shapes became mere specks in the distance, until he couldn't see them any longer, no matter how much he tried to focus. At that point, he didn't try to stop the tears, either.

_**A/N: I know, it's not a very lengthy chapter, but it's important. I can't believe this is almost over, and if you hate me for this, you definitely won't want to read the rest… I'm almost done writing the next to last chapter, but it might take me a while to post the rest of this, because I've been overloaded with schoolwork lately. D: So, let me know that it's still worth it to upload this and review? 3 **_


	11. Home

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_**A/N: This chapter would have been up sooner if I hadn't gotten sick. Sorry. Then again, it means I didn't go to school (which I can easily make up, so that's not a big problem) so I had time to type this up. …Sort of. Anyway. Enjoy this chapter, because the rest isn't as happy as this is. **_

Home

As soon as Mello was certain that they were out of Near's sight, he allowed himself to groan and fall onto Matt, surprising the poor redhead, and caused him to lose his balance as well, though he quickly regained it, and supported his lover.

"Are you okay, Mels?" he asked, gently coaxing the blonde into a sitting position.

"Yeah, I'm… Fine. I must have lost muscle from lack of exercise… Damn."

Mello seemed furious about it—he may have been keeping it from his voice, but Matt could read it on his face—and Matt knew it was because he had always taken great pride in his body. If he hadn't been able to win fairly to get whatever he wanted, he would take it by force.

Matt sat down beside him, allowing the blonde to lean against him. "Can you stand? Do you need to rest?"

Though it killed his pride to do so, Mello shook his head. "Can we rest for a minute?"

Matt nodded, slipping his arm around Mello, allowing the robots to fall into his lap. It was a bittersweet thing to have them back; they were a gift from his parents during his mecha-phase. He'd received them for his fifth birthday, and they were the only physical remnants of his life _before_.

Matt wasn't in a hurry, anyway. He'd left to be with Mello, not to _go_ to a specific place. The sun wouldn't set for a few more hours, anyway.

But if Mello _was_ in a hurry (and, from the way he acted about sitting down, he was), then maybe he did have a destination in mind.

Matt decided to ask. "Mels, where are we going?" He looked to the blonde, summoning up his widest, cutest pair of puppydog eyes as he leaned on Mello's shoulder, mainly doing this to improve Mello's mood, not because he wanted an answer that badly.

Mello _did_ smile at this, and even stroked Matt's hair gently as he answered immediately, as if it were obvious.

"Home."

The word conjured up images of their old apartment, not surprisingly, but that place would have too many tainted memories for Matt.

"Are we going back… _There?_" Matt's voice wavered, and even if Mello hadn't still been looking at his now too-pale face, into his wide-with-fear eyes, he still would have detected the fear in his voice. That place was obviously too painful—for both of them.

Mello shook his head. Obviously, neither of them wanted to go back to that place. Mello wouldn't force Matt to go there, especially not if he didn't want to go either.

"No. We'll find somewhere new."

Matt let out a relieved sigh, and his features calmed, relaxing Mello as well. "Where will we go?"

"We'll find somewhere," he said, with a tone that implied they were done discussing this, and stood up, extending his hand down to Matt. "Let's go."

Matt picked up his robots and took Mello's hand. He allowed Mello to lead him to whatever destination he had in mind. After all, as long as he was with Mello, he didn't care a bit about _where_ he was. His world was perfect.

They walked for hours, until they finally found their old apartment complex. It wasn't that far from Near's house, but it took them a while to get there because of Mello's need to rest. Matt tensed up when he saw the building, but Mello relaxed him by placing a hand on his shoulder.

"We're just getting your care. My bike's crashed God-knows-where, from the attack."

"I don't have my keys, I left them when I—"

"I'll go get them, then."

Matt looked at him in disbelief. "You have your keys?"

Mello smiled devilishly and shook his head. "I have other ways of getting in. It shouldn't be too difficult."

It turned out, those other ways were simply picking the lock. Matt had followed him upstairs, hoping that he would do something cool, like break the door down with his sheer force. He didn't know why he expected such a thing from the man who had barely been able to walk there, and even needing to lean on Matt's shoulder part of the way. But he picked the lock, to "conserve his strength and avoid attention." Matt thought it was dull for a break in (which it technically was) but he didn't say anything. After all, Mello was still recovering.

"You can stay out here, if you want. I'll only be a minute," Mello said, sensing Matt's apprehension.

But Matt wanted to face his fear. "No, I'll get a few things myself." It wasn't a lie. He did want to get his game systems, and clothes weren't a bad idea, either.

Twenty minutes later, they both had a suitcase—Matt had convinced Mello to pack as well—full of necessities. For Mello, that included clothes, toiletries, and not much else. He eyed the liquor in the fridge longingly—he hadn't had a drink in over a month—but looked away, knowing that he had to give it up for Matt.

"Don't worry," Matt said when he saw this, "We'll find you a new addiction. One that's better for you."

Matt's necessities included games—he'd packed all his games and systems, as well as a few laptops, even having to take up some of Mello's suitcase, much to his dismay—cigarettes, clothes, and, of course, his robots, were also added.

He looked to Mello, who sat on the couch with his legs spread, now changed into his familiar leather, so revealing that it made Matt blush deeply, twirling the keys around his index finger.

"You ready?" the blonde asked. Matt needed to look away; he really wasn't used to seeing him in leather again.

"I drive," he said confidently, holding out his hand. Mello threw the keys to him, and Matt was slightly surprised that he didn't get hit for _demanding_ such a thing.

The place just dug up more fear, more terrible memories of the abuse, than Mello himself did. His blood stained the walls, floor… _Everywhere_ here, and always would, no matter how hard either of them would try to get it out. It was too hard to look around and see what had happened here in such perfect, clear detail.

Matt pulled his suitcase behind him, holding the keys in his other hand. Mello followed behind him, opening the door for him as Matt stepped aside to allow him to do this.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Neither of them could think about anything other than what had happened here, and thus couldn't hold a conversation.

As they looked up at the building, after loading their suitcases in the back of Matt's car, Matt was suddenly surprised at the relief that overcame him. He was finally leaving this place behind forever. He would never come here to suffer at the hands of his lover ever again. He was leaving this terrible place behind him. But most of all, he was _free_ from the invisible chains that had bound him to this place, that refused to allow him to forget.

"Are we leaving soon, Matt?" Mello teased. Matt didn't think he had a _right_ to, since he was in the passenger seat, after all.

"Yeah." Without looking back again, Matt jumped into the car, shot Mello a grin—despite the blonde rolling his eyes at him, he received a smile in return—and hit the gas, glad to finally leave this place behind forever.

They drove for about half an hour, with Mello giving directions, since Matt hadn't been able to leave the house often, unless Mello told him to, until Mello told him to turn into a parking lot, and Matt did.

"A hotel? This is where we'll be, huh…? How much is this place?" Matt stared up at the building in awe. There had to be at least fifteen stories.

Mello chose not to respond to Matt's first two statements, as he was mainly talking to himself. "It won't cost us anything, with the connections I have."

Matt nodded, saying nothing more. He knew that Mello was most likely going to unleash his Mafia-boss side, and he also knew from rather painful firsthand experience that he was not to be messed with in that state.

Mello saw the look of fear on Matt's face and looked at him gently, hurt that he had still caused him pain when he had promised not to. "I won't hurt you. You know that."

Matt nodded. "Right…"

Mello sighed. Obviously, it was going to take a while longer to prove it to him. "I just have to threaten him a bit, just enough so that he lets us stay. I happen to know a few things about the manager… No hitting, I promise."

He wanted Matt to stay with him this time—forever. He was never going to get that if Matt didn't trust him not to cause him pain.

As he saw the still-nervous look on Matt's face, he sighed. "You can stay here if you don't want to see what I have to do."

Matt nodded. Even though Mello said he wouldn't hit anybody, he didn't know if he could be true to his word. He was _dangerous_ when he had to be. And even if he managed to keep his hands to himself, the yelling and threatening alone would be enough to make Matt relive more horrible moments.

Mello exited the car and entered the building, where Matt couldn't see him. Within minutes, he knocked on the driver's side window, startling Matt out of his thoughts.

"We can stay for as long as we like." Mello grinned at Matt, then stepped out of the way so that Matt could step out of the car. They each grabbed their suitcases and walked to their room, which just so happened to be the nicest room in the entire hotel, with a view of the entire city.

When they got there, instead of looking out at the city lights, Matt laid on one of the beds (there were two, though they would only need _one.) _with his legs spread out seductively and a devious grin on his face.

"Hey, Mels…" he said teasingly, "I've been thinking."

Mello could tell exactly what he wanted just from the way his legs were spread and the tone he used. But Matt didn't pay attention to his expression of shock and let him know his desires anyway.

"Fuck me."

His eyes widened, though he had already known exactly what he would ask for. It wasn't a surprise, but it still came as a shock that he would want such a thing.

"Matt… I can't."

Matt hadn't let either Mello or Near _inside_—thankfully, since Mello wouldn't have been able to stand losing _that_ to Near, knowing that he was trusted less than him—since the day Mello had raped him. Mello had let Matt top him each time, since it was his fault for harming Matt in the first place. And if he could give Matt something he wanted, giving up his body—and pride—didn't matter one bit. But now… Matt was ready, and he was practically begging, but Mello wasn't sure if _he_ was ready. He just couldn't do it, after what he had done to Matt last time.

"I told you, I can't. I don't want to hurt you again." He couldn't stand the thought. Matt had left because he had been hurt so badly. He didn't trust himself this time, not with _this._

"I told you, if we're ever going to put the past behind us, we need to do this." He looked up to Mello, eyes wide to express his _need._ He continued, almost begging at this point; he had quite a _problem_ at this point. Mello could see, and it killed him to tell Matt no when he was in such a state.

"Trust me. _Please._ Do it for me."

Seeing Matt lying, so needy, so… _Hot,_ on the bed made Mello's heart race. He couldn't deny this man his pleasure. He would be extremely careful, though. He had to be.

Mello nodded, digging through his suitcase to find the lubricant before climbing on the bed, positioning his body on top of Matt's, while keeping his weight off of him. He couldn't hurt him this time.

"I'll be gentle, I promise." He wondered whether that was for his sake or Matt's.

Matt smiled. This was so unlike Mello—it was as if he was lighting candles or something, to try to be romantic. It just wasn't like him. Who knew that Mello had a romantic side?

Matt took his time preparing Matt's body, almost hesitant to do even _that,_ as if it would hurt him.

He stripped off Matt's shirt, planting kisses down his chest before looking up to Matt nervously as he positioned himself to thrust in. "Are you sure?" He had to make sure that Matt wanted this before he started.

He locked eyes with Mello. "Yes."

Mello nodded and took a deep breath to calm himself before he entered Matt's body with a gentle thrust, praying that he wouldn't hurt him at all. He even asked, "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" after he was completely inside.

"Mels… I didn't even _feel _that. You can do it a _little_ harder than that… Come on."

Though Mello was almost grateful that he _didn't_ feel it, he did what Matt said and thrust in again, with a little more force behind the motion this time, yet he was still careful.

And in return, Matt let out a moan. "T-that's it…"

Matt's eyes opened briefly from the sudden motion inside him, but they closed slowly as he let out a moan from the pleasure Mello was giving him now—on purpose this time. Mello did it again, Matt's reaction relieving some of the anxiety he felt about this. He still took great care, doing his best to only _please_ Matt, but with each of his moans, Mello's fear of hurting Matt lessened. And when he came, with a loud groan, his confidence soared as he realized he could bring the man to _this_ state of pleasure and bliss that he was in right now, instead of bringing him pain.

Matt's body tightened around him, as if rewarding him for what he'd just done to him, and he came, rolling over beside Matt as he came down from his high.

Matt, whose breathing had already evened out—but, due to their close proximity, Mello could hear that his heartbeat was still rapid; his head rested on the redhead's chest—stroked Mello's hair and whispered, "I told you, you wouldn't hurt me. I knew you'd be amazing… I just had to prove it to you."

Mello looked up at him, as if shocked he had thought something through (though to be fair, he normally didn't; Mello did) for once. And that's when it hit him.

"You… Trusted me." It was amazing how he was so loyal to him. He'd hurt Matt so badly in the past, and yet… He trusted him to not, to make him feel _good_ instead. He'd offered up his body, knowing he would be vulnerable, in order to prove that to Mello. In order to prove that he knew he wouldn't be hurt.

"Of course I do. I love you."

It was said immediately, in a soft voice, and Mello could have burst into tears when he saw the tender look in his eyes that proved he told the truth, but instead he buried his head in Matt's chest so he couldn't see his shining eyes, wide from disbelief, and wrapped his arms around him. "You're too good for me… But I love you, too. I just want you to know that."

He was on the verge of sobbing, of breaking into tears, from the way Matt treated him, and the way he had treated Matt. He _didn't deserve_ this.

"I've always known," Matt said soothingly before pulling Mello closer to him and leaning down to catch his lips gently with his own. "I'm not too good for you; you're the only one I could ever be with."

"How can you be sure?" Mello asked. He needed to know that Matt actually _wanted_ him, not just to make him happy. He couldn't let Matt stay with him if that was the only reason he was here.

With absolute certainty, he caught Mello's gaze and answered, "You're the only one I've ever loved. I've never, and I will never, feel the same about anybody else." After the words left his mouth, and before Mello could think of an answer, he pressed his lips to Mello's to kiss him passionately.

And at this perfect display off affection, Mello couldn't hold back his tears any longer. As he kissed Matt, the tears rolled down his cheeks, but neither pulled away. In fact, Matt only pulled him closer, to show that he cared, no matter what, and when he absolutely _had_ to break apart from Mello, he drew in a quick breath before whispering in a breathy voice directly next to his ear, "I love you."

Mello shook his head, yet wrapped his arms tighter around Matt, as if he feared that he would leave.

"I… I don't deserve you." His voice wavered as he spoke, for he knew, without a doubt, that these words were true. He had beaten, burned, stabbed, and _raped_ Matt. With that behavior, he didn't deserve anybody at all, let alone the unbelievably loyal, heavenly sweet, and devilishly sexy redhead in his arms. Yet, even with all he'd done, no matter how badly he was treated… He stayed. Matt wouldn't leave him behind.

"Well, I'm staying with you, anyway. No matter what. I promise." He rested his head on Mello's shoulder, happy to just say there, with the only sound their breathing, the only scent he could smell Mello's (without the alcohol masking it, and even smelling of sweat, he was still _perfect_.) and Mello's body all he could feel.

The words made Mello realize just how _pure_ Matt's love for him was. As long as Mello was around, his whole world was perfect. Nothing could ruin it, not even Mello himself. His love would never die.

Mello needed some way to make up for his loyalty, for his unwavering passion. His idea was unpleasant to him, but… Matt had put up with too much, and his troubles were far greater than Mello's discomfort over this idea. Matt deserved far greater than this, after all. This was the very least he could do.

"When we catch Kira… We can go back to Near, if you want." The condition was to allow time to pass, in order to allow Mello's too-fresh wounds of betrayal (and his old personal grudge, which the murder attempt didn't exactly help) to heal and fade with time.

Matt's look of joy was immediate, once he realized he didn't have to leave his friend behind forever. For Mello, it would be worth it, but he would still have missed Near. It was inevitable; he was his only friend. But now he didn't have to.

"I'll be sure to work hard, then." He flashed Mello his largest grin possible and squeezed him tighter.

"I love you so much, Matt," Mello mumbled, his words muffled by Matt's body.

"Love you too, Mels." He kept one hand in Mello's hair, still pressing him close, while the other grasped a small object from under the pillow.

"Here's your new addiction," he said, before unwrapping it with his hands, now wrapped around Mello so he could keep him close, and pushed the small square of chocolate into Mello's mouth.

Mello chuckled and smiled, and after he'd swallowed it, licking away the rest from the sides of his mouth, rather sexily in Matt's opinion, he said, "Thanks, but you're my true addiction."

Mello pressed his lips to Matt's, and he swore he tasted chocolate on his breath. It was an amazing thing.

"Hey, Mels?" He grinned, playing with Mello's blonde, messy hair.

"Yeah?"

"Missed a spot," he said, licking Mello's lips to clear away a small amount of chocolate.

"Got it— Mmf…" Matt had just pulled away before Mello pressed his lips to his again, and he allowed himself to stay lost in Mello's chocolate-tasting kisses, away from all the troubles in the world.

_**A/N: Wow, it's been over a month since I started this. I can't believe this. I love this story. (: And if anyone was wondering why I had Mello actually not eat chocolate… This was why. I think this chapter's really cute. I have the rest written, so I guess I should upload it soon. I think the rest is… Well, you'll have to wait. (:**_

…_**Review? 3 **_


	12. Rest

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_**A/N: Sorry. I honestly just have NOT felt like typing this up. But I've at least been writing other things, so I don't feel THAT guilty… Anyway, I heard a few of you say that Mello would abuse Matt again, or something of the sort. Well, I think this is more tragic.**_

Rest

Regardless of what Mello had said, chocolate really _did_ become his new addiction. Matt swore that the way he licked each bar before snapping it—which Matt has grown to think was quite a sexy sound, since it reminded him of Mello—was purely to tease him. The way he looked at him while he did it sent shivers down his spine. Sometimes, Matt swore he paid more attention to the _chocolate_ than him, his perfectly loyal, needy lover. But that was an absurd idea he quickly pushed out of his mind; Matt knew, better than anybody, and _especially_ a damn piece of chocolate, just how many tricks Mello could do with his tongue.

Besides, Matt was the one who got the full force of Mello's sexual attention when the Kira case became too stressful and he needed a break. But Mello wasn't the only one who did so. Matt had his needs as well, and though his were different than Mello's (Matt needed the passionate, romantic connection it offered, where Mello purely needed the _rush_ from sex, though he was still tender with him.), neither complained when the other let his desires known. They were both stressed from the work they had put in, after all, and Mello had to leave to gather information occasionally. Each time, Matt wondered whether or not he would ever come back. The case was dangerous, after all.

But they were still working, late into the nights most days, just trying to get a lead. One single clue could unravel this entire case. If only they could get some evidence on their main suspects, Misa Amane and Light Yagami. Takada, Kira's new spokesperson, had to be involved somehow…

Mello snapped off another piece of his chocolate bar as he voiced his idea. "Let's kidnap Takada. We know she's helping him somehow."

Matt's eyes widened immediately, and he turned his attention from the database he'd been halfheartedly hacking (those firewalls were a _joke_) to Mello.

"What? That's crazy. It's… It's suicide! Do you know how many guards she has? It's just… Impossible."

"I know. We can do it. I didn't say we had to do it now; we'd definitely need to plan it more." Mello knew the risk. There was a high probability that, no matter how much they planned, they wouldn't make it. There was no room for error. But after months of thinking of an idea, of a way to catch this bastard Kira, this was the best he had come up with.

Matt sighed. "Fine. Suppose we kidnapped her. Then what?"

"Then, we use her as a hostage until she talks or Kira comes to get her himself. If she's important, he won't kill her. If she's not, we'll have to find someone new."

Matt nodded. At least Mello had thought _some_ of this through. "Sounds like a plan. But… How are we going to do this safely?"

They both knew there _was_ no way to do this safely. But so far, it was their only option, and they had to stick through it and plan it out.

Months passed, as they spent their time planning their end to the case. With this, it would be solved, and the world would be free once more.

The time with Mello was dreamlike. It was almost as perfect as a fairytale; they never fought or argued with each other, even though their stress level was high. But there was a dark side behind Mello's lack of anger; Matt suspected that any time he felt like yelling, he just kept his words inside, tearing himself apart slowly. Matt didn't know what he did to relieve his anger, but he did know that he snuck out sometimes, in the middle of the night. It woke him up, occasionally. The first time, he had been scared to death; he'd woken up without Mello behind him, without him even in the room, for the first time in almost a year. He had gotten used to the fact that he would sometimes vanish, but it still wasn't pleasant. Nothing good could be happening at that hour.

But he did always come back, and each time, he seemed guilty. It could be guilt simply for leaving, or his actions while he was away. As soon as he came back, he would throw himself into Matt's arms and tell him that he loved him. He acted as if he knew he'd done something wrong and was begging for Matt's forgiveness—which he always gave, even though he had never asked just _what_ Mello was doing while away, not knowing if he had killed.

By the way Mello acted sometimes, it was like he didn't expect he would come back. He was just grateful to be back with Matt. But Matt just let it slide and held Mello when he was like this, kissing his neck and chest and reassuring him that it would be okay. Matt wouldn't let anything happen to him.

It had been nearly a year since Matt had left Mello. He no longer felt the guilt for it, and was simply glad to hold Mello close when the case got to be too stressful, or bad memories plagued him.

For Mello's birthday, they had taken a break from planning to have a celebration involving chocolate cake and sex. Multiple times. And though it was for _Mello's _birthday, he'd been gently as always, to make it good for Matt, as well. He' done his best to be romantic, as Matt wanted, by kissing him every few moments, between thrusts, licking at his neck and other sensitive areas, and drawing their bodies as close as possible, but through the love shining in his blue eyes, Matt saw that he was afraid. Of himself. Afraid of hurting Matt, afraid of Matt leaving him, and afraid of death. But the fear flashed in his eyes for only a moment, while he'd been assured that the love would last forever.

The fear was easily forgettable. Or should have been, anyway. It had been a moment before his climax, and the pleasure easily erased his concern, but only momentarily. And while he didn't see the fear in his eyes again, he could sense it when he pulled Matt closer afterward. He spent the night reassuring Mello that everything would be all right, and that nothing would happen. Everything was fine, after that.

By January 20th, they had their plan finalized. Matt would be the safer, the more protected of the two. His car would protect him from any bullets shot at Mello during the kidnapping. As long as he didn't get out, he was safe. His job was simply to distract her guards using a smokescreen.

Mello was in charge of the actual kidnapping, so his job was far more dangerous and complex. He wanted Matt to be safe, at all costs. He could go back to Near, his best friend, for comfort if Mello died. He could go on, he was strong. He would have support. But Mello… He had nobody. If matt died, his whole world would fall apart. Matt had been the only one he'd ever even trusted, let alone _cared for,_ his entire life, let alone to the _level_ of affection he felt for Matt. He wouldn't have a shoulder to cry on (and if Matt died… He _would_ cry. He'd get reckless and wouldn't care anymore, about anything.), and he wouldn't have anyone at all to help him through it. If Matt died, he would, too.

It was the morning of the 26th, and Mello was mentally preparing himself for the task ahead of him. He hoped he would be okay, for Matt's sake.

He pulled Matt close to him, trying to relieve some of his stress that inevitably came from needing to leave Matt, and the danger he was placing his lover—who had never done anything wrong; surely he didn't deserve this—and himself in.

A cigarette dangled loosely between Matt's lips, and if not for that, Mello would have kissed him. Picking up on his anxiety, Matt pulled an arm from Mello's tight grip and pulled it out, before pressing his lips to Mello's.

Matt tasted of smoke, a flavor Mello had come to love. Any time he even smelled smoke, of any sort, he associated it with Matt automatically. He pulled Matt closer and broke apart from the kiss, leaning in closer to Matt and inhaling. He smelled of cigarette smoke and barely-noticeable sweat, soap from a hurried shower masking the latter. It was very… Masculine.

After the kiss, Matt placed his cigarette back in his mouth and inhaled, then slowly released the smoke from his system. Mello had long since stopped complaining about him smoking in the building; it was time spent together indoors, anyway, and Mello wasn't sadistic enough to force him to go outside in the below-freezing temperatures. Besides, he suspected that Mello _liked_ the smell—he'd caught Mello breathing in his scent purposely, many times, especially after or while he smoked.

"I can't believe you'd rather smoke than kiss me," Mello said, pretending to be offended, but he said it with a smile on his face, trying to lighten the mood. He could never _really_ yell at Matt. He both _couldn't_, and it would drag up bad memories for them both.

Matt shrugged, smiling as well, but it was hard to tell with the cigarette in his mouth. "I'm stressed. I'm scared. It helps to relieve that."

Mello immediately felt guilty for placing Matt in this situation. Regardless of whether he wanted to, there was a real risk, and it had been Mello's idea in the first place.

"I'm sorry," he said genuinely, before plucking the cigarette from Matt's mouth and snuffed it out in the ashtray on their bedside table. He kissed Matt both out of his own need and desire to taste the man, with the flavor of chocolate and cigarettes mixing pleasantly in his mouth, and to try to calm Matt down as well. He longed to erase the redhead's pain, once and for all.

"Matt," he said as he pulled away, but at this point he was still close enough that Matt could feel his warm breath on his neck as he spoke, "Take me."

"Wha—Mels, we don't have time! As much as I'd like to, we have to—"

Mello interrupted him as he lay on the bed and spread his legs out, looking up to Matt's confused face with a seductive smirk as he pulled Matt by his wrist down to the bed. "So be quick about it."

Matt grinned at Mello's bluntness, and climbed on of the blonde, who grinned up at him devilishly. "Attaboy, Matt."

Matt's face flushed a deep shade of red, the color only Mello could turn him. "Mels, can't you be serious?"

"Nope." He was glad he could entertain Matt this way, at least. He'd seen a smile flicker on his face at this comment, and he felt proud that he could relieve the tension.

Though they'd just gotten dressed, Matt stripped off both of their pants and Mello's shirt, deciding to leave his own shirt on out of laziness.

Mello, however, had other ideas, and slipped off his shirt for him. Though this may just have been to relieve stress, he _did_ want to see Matt's body. It was a breathtaking sight, no matter how many times he saw it. He was flawless, and Mello could never tire of that perfection.

As Matt positioned himself to thrust in to him, after preparation, of course, Mello grinned up at him. Though he had told Matt to do it for his own pleasure, not Mello's, he realized that he needed this, too. Desperately. He might never be able to do this again, and that thought scared him. If this was the last time he ever had the chance to have sex with Matt… He couldn't miss it. He had to make this better than ever before, more tender, more emotional.

As his climax, he couldn't restrain saying, "I love you," to Matt, and pulled the redhead as close to him as he possibly could.

Matt whispered the words back and pulled him closer, after he came as well, basking in the moment with his lover.

"Mels?" he asked, placing a few quick kisses on Mello's lips and neck, trying to keep the moment for as long as possible, reluctant to talk and end it.

"Hm?"

"We have to go."

"Right…"

Mello reluctantly broke apart from Matt and redressed, not having time for another shower. Matt did the same, though he did it slowly, as if it would allow them to stay together, though if they missed their deadline, they would miss their chance. That couldn't happen, no matter what the outcome might be.

"Can I go to Near's afterward? We'll basically be done with the case when we finish, anyway."

Mello shrugged, assuming that he would be able to meet with him there, and agreed, as it would make Matt happy and less terrified of the outcome than Mello was. Matt smiled and hid the smoke gun and his robots—he still played with them when he thought Mello wasn't watching, but he was, and though Matt would only blush if he knew, Mello thought it was adorable—in his vest.

They walked in somber silence to the parking lot, where their vehicles for the kidnapping were parked. When they finally got there, the walk not taking nearly long enough—they were both still scared about their task—Matt pulled him into a one-armed embrace and pecked him on the cheek.

"Goodbye, Mels. I love you." The words were spoken softly, and all Mello could focus on was the _meaning_ behind them. Matt never spoke empty words; he meant everything he said. Always.

"Love you, too, Matt." He leaned in to kiss him passionately, breaking away after a moment. It seemed too short, but Mello couldn't allow himself to stay much longer. "Good luck."

"You, too."

Mello took a deep breath, trying to keep himself from saying in Matt's arms. He didn't _have _to do this. They could stop this crazy plan and just live together forever…

But it was selfish, and Mello couldn't allow that. After one more exchange of "I love you"s, Matt sat down in his car and Mello straddled his motorcycle—Matt took one long look at his ass as he did so, though it was more simply because he still _could_ than anything. They were driving to the same place, yet they took separate roads to avoid suspicion.

Matt lit a cigarette to relieve the stress, and sped up. He shot the smoke bomb at the guards to allow Mello to snatch Takada, then speed away, ensuring his escape.

Then, he sped up to get out of the area before he was followed. After a quick glance behind him, he confirmed his worst fear; there were at least twenty cars speeding after him. The drivers would all be armed, and he remembered Mello's advice: _don't get out of your car. It's the only safe way for this._

At least Mello would be safe. He was diverting the attention from him, so that he could be safe and carry out his plan.

He had to get to Near's house; it was their meeting place. He couldn't wait to see the look on his friend's face when he showed up. Hell, for that matter, he just couldn't wait to see Mello again—

_Oh, fuck._

During his time spent spacing out, the guards had surrounded his car enirely; there was no possible way that he could escape. But if he was careful, he could still make his way out of this alive. He could blame the kidnapping on someone else, to remove suspicion from him and Mello. Or, at the very least, Mello.

Against Mello's orders (and pleas; he desperately wanted Matt to be safe), Matt took a deep breath and stepped out of his car slowly, raising his hands to show that he had no weapons. God, he was so _scared_, but he acted cocky, and even threw on a grin for good measure, as if he'd trained for this, but he'd never been so terrified in his life.

"Come on, since when were the Japanese allowed to carry big guns like that?"

He was fully outside of his car now, out of his protection, which was the opposite of what Mello had wanted, had told him a million times: _stay in the car. _

"Listen, I'm connected to Takada's kidnapper. You've probably got a lot to ask me, you aren't going to shoo—"

Bullets riddled his body, but he really only felt the first two. It was excruciating, and he wondered just what he'd done to deserve this. After the first two ripped holes through him, he was numb to the pain at that point. Within seconds from the first gunshots, he knew he'd been hit multiple times; he was still conscious, and aware of it. But he didn't have time to process any more, and Mello's name died on his lips, along with him, as he fell to the ground.

Mello was watching the scene as he checked the news, and his eyes widened in shock.

Matt was dead.

_Matt _was _dead._

Because of him. Because of his _plan. _

Mello just didn't care about his plan anymore. What point was there living in a safe world, free from Kira's reign of terror, if Matt wasn't there by his side to enjoy it with him?

But he needed to act like it didn't matter. He had to keep going. If not for Matt and himself, as he had planned, then as a tribute to his memory. If he gave up, Matt would have died in vain.

After that, however… He had no plans. He had no one to go to. Matt had been his only friend, then his only love. He truly had no one else. He knew Matt had meant the world to him, but he hadn't realized just how empty his lfie would be without him.

But no matter how he felt, his task still wasn't over. He had to… Avenge Matt. And then… He had no idea what to do.

He focused on driving himself and Takada—whom he now had an even deeper hatred for, and wanted to strangle her with his bare hands for what she'd been responsible for—to the church, where he would interrogate her.

Mello brought the truck to a stop. Before going in the back to get her, he felt a stabbing pain in his heart. He thought it was just lingering pain from Matt's recent death, and he did his best to try to ignore it, to fight through it until later. For now, he had a plan. Later, he would allow himself to cry, because his _world_ was gone, regardless of whether Kira was gone or not. Forever.

But he quickly learned that it wasn't simply grief; how was he to know, when Matt had meant more to him than anybody else had, even L? Matt was the one he'd spent his life with, from the age of eleven. He'd never cared for anyone this deeply, and knew that losing him would _hurt,_ would tear his heart out. Grief was a reasonable conclusion—but it wasn't correct.

He fell to the wheel of the truck, eyes wide open. The pain in his heart lessened as it slowed.

_L… Matt… I'm sorry._

He promised that he would avenge the both of them, but he hadn't accomplished a damn thing. The pain in his heart was sharp at first, but gradually lessened as he felt his heartbeat slow. It was such an odd feeling…

_Matt… I'll be with you soon._

_**A/N: Oh, this isn't over. I still have an epilogue written, which I'll upload in a few days. I tried to stick to the canon (at least for Matt) but if I got anything wrong (and I had the manga by my side, so I doubt it), tell me and I'll fix it. **_

_**3 I'd love if you reviewed. **_


	13. React

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

_**A/N: Well, this is the last chapter. …Did you honestly think I would forget about Near? (: And if you guys get two alerts for this, I'm sorry, I accidentally left out a paragraph. So, here it is (again).**_

React

Near hadn't taken Matt's departure of almost a year ago well. He'd tried to remember, tried to keep him by his side by playing with other robots, yet each time, he ended up throwing them to the wall with such force that they broke apart. It just wasn't the same. They weren't _Matt's._ He had no childhood memories associated with them.

A knock was heard above the crash of one of the robots against the wall, and he coldly ordered, "Come in."

It was Roger who stood solemnly in the doorway. "Sir, I have news. It may be something you do not want to hear."

"What is it?" he asked, voice full of curiosity. His stomach tightened at the words and his tone, though; something really _was_ wrong.

"Mello is dead," he said bluntly.

He was shocked by it, yes—he didn't expect for Mello to die. But a part of him was grateful—maybe he could have Matt all to himself again. It was a selfish and horrible thought, but he could keep Matt safe and possibly heal his heart, replacing Mello's love with his own.

Near simply nodded. The news was shocking, sure, but not life-shattering. "And what about Matt? Will you bring him here?"

Roger took a deep breath and shook his head solemnly. "No, I'm afraid we can't do that."

"Why not? I'm ordering you to." He couldn't stand the thought of _not_ having Matt here, when this was his chance to have him again. He had to.

Roger took a deep breath and shook his head solemnly. "Matt is dead as well."

"WHAT? N-no!" Near simply _could not_ believe this. His mind couldn't process this. Matt was dead? He couldn't be. He wasn't.

"Are you… _Sure_ the body is his?" He tried to keep his voice calm, as if to pretend his outburst a few seconds ago hadn't happened, but his body shook regardless. He knew the question was hopeless—Roger had taken care of Matt since he was a child, and even if he hasn't, it was impossible to mistake the bright red of Matt's red hair for any other color. Matt was unique—it would be obvious that it was him.

Roger nodded gravely. "You can see for yourself. We were able to… Salvage him."

Near stood up. He had to know, even though it would break his heart, and he would be _really_ emotionless—or maybe that mask would actually break, instead—if it was. Roger led him to the limo and opened the door of the back seat, where Matt had sat the night he ran to Near desperately after leaving Mello.

"No…"

Matt's body, full of bullet holes, lay on the back seat. It was unmistakable; he wore his striped shirt and goggles that he always did at Wammy's. There was no doubt that it was Matt. It couldn't be anybody else.

"Matt!" Near scrambled to enter the vehicle and grabbed the cold, obviously lifeless body. Roger didn't try to stop him, reminded of the day Mello had been told of L's death. He didn't want a repeat of that… But this was possibly worse.

"Wake up," he sobbed, pulling Matt closer to him, not caring that he stained his pure white clothes with the blood. It was all the evidence left that Matt had been _alive_ at one point. "Please, Matt… Wake up."

He knew it would be no use, that he was being irrational. But… This was _Matt. _The only person he'd ever cared for _at all, _let alone to the extent he cared for the man.

"I love you… Please wake up…" he begged, the tears that he couldn't hold back slipping from his eyes onto Matt's shoulder.

As he pulled Matt closer, something dug into him painfully. Confused, he unzipped Matt's vest and pulled it off.

Matt lay still, not protesting. He never would. He never had, for that matter, even when he was alive.

Roger had started to ask what he was doing, when he pulled out Matt's toy robots from the pockets inside his vest, along with a smoke gun, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"Oh, Matt…"

In addition to being the only one Near had ever loved, as an orphan, Matt was the closest he had to a family. Losing him was more than losing a lover, which was unbearable on its own. It was like losing a lover, brother, and part of himself at the same time. The pain was unbearable; the only feeling he could feel was emptiness.

Since the moment they met, Near had never imagined a life without Matt. It wasn't comprehensible. But now he had to face it, and he thought it would be impossible.

It just didn't make sense. Ever since he met Matt over a decade ago, the boy had always seemed so full of life. On his first day at Wammy's, Matt had seen Near sitting alone, as always, just watching the other children play. Matt had walked up to him with his robots, trying to comfort the younger boy, though he was still grieving himself, and forced his loneliness away.

One and Two—Matt was closer in rank to Near before Mello had arrived and taken that from him—were best friends. Matt had offered Near one of his robots, to cheer him up, though it was all he had of his parents.

In the two years he had lived at Wammy's, Matt was the only one to show Near kindness. Though he was older, he didn't try to pick on Near or get angry that he was one of the youngest residents, yet also the smartest. He showed Near genuine friendship, something he had never felt before, even outside of Wammy's.

Those robots were the symbol of Matt and Near's friendship. They always had been, since the day they met. Now, they were covered in Matt's blood, symbolizing the death of the friendship, of the possibility of something more.

_This shouldn't be happening, he—he's so young… What will I do without him? He's always been there…_

Near's thoughts showed the fear he felt at Matt's death, his fear of the unknown future ahead of him, without Matt. If only Near had stopped him from going with Mello that day. Maybe then he would still be alive. He could have been with Near this entire time, and he would still be alive now.

But even in death, Matt still looked so perfect, even with his skin so cold, his expression unchanging, his energy gone.

Before letting go of Matt, Near took two things. The first of which was Matt's last kiss, and he cried as he tasted Matt's blood on his lips, but he forced himself to pull Matt closer, to show him the kind of love and passion he had never been able to give, or express properly, to Matt during his life. It was a kiss full of blood and tears, but Near still wasn't willing to let go of him. It was the closest he would ever be to Matt again, and this would be the very last time. This was purely an expression of his love, and since Matt was unable to return that, he pulled away, only feeling colder than ever.

The second thing Near took was one of Matt's cigarettes. He lit it using Matt's lighter and did his best not to cough as the smoke entered his system. This way, a small part of Matt would live on, through him carrying out the habits Matt did daily.

It was ironic how Near had always scolded Matt for smoking, saying that his habit would kill him. Yet, somehow, he was wrong about that, and he hoped he had been right. If he had been correct, Matt would still have years left to live. Destroying his lungs, but living.

Near knew this habit would kill him in the end, but he had nothing left to live _for_, now that Matt was dead.

"Goodbye, Matt." Near brushed the hair out of Matt's face, just to prolong the contact, though it was inevitable that Near couldn't keep him now, like this.

He couldn't keep a… Corpse. That's all Matt was now; a cold, lifeless body. He should have lived for so much longer, yet he didn't. He was _dead._

It just wasn't fair. If Matt could have survived, Near would have gladly offered his life, just to give his that chance.

…But things didn't work that way. There was absolutely nothing he could do for him now. It was too late.

So he silently vowed to catch Kira and expose him for the monster he was—this was personal now.

End

_**A/N: It's… It's over! D: I really hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. This started out as a way to stop being bored while grounded and turned into my best writing so far. **_

_**I really like the idea of Near holding Matt and kissing him after his death; it's just beautiful, in a tragic way.**_

_**I'm actually sad that this is over, even though I'm really proud of this. So, what did you guys think about it? **_


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